AM I DOING ENOUGH?

*affirmations + thoughts with my darling Stevie Renee of SRL Wellbeing.

Aria Sa’id: In moments of political and economic instability, many of us feel pulled into urgency or survival mode. What does it look like to remain spiritually and emotionally grounded when the world feels anything but steady?

Stevie Renee: I love that you’re starting here because this is exactly what I’ve been thinking and writing about lately.

We’re in a moment that feels very intense, volatile, and heavy.

You don’t even have to watch the news to feel it.

We’re experiencing a lot of grief, fear, anger, exhaustion, and with that comes activation: the urge to respond, the urge to protect, the urge to do something.

I think that for sensitive people, myself included, it’s really common to swing between that urgency you mentioned and just completely shutting down.

I’ve noticed this pattern in myself.

When there’s a lot of collective fire—outrage, responsibility, passion—I find myself absorbing that energy, burning hot and fast, and then I crash.

When I crash, I start to feel guilty: Am I doing enough?

Am I showing up enough?

As someone who lives with anxiety and panic disorder, with agoraphobia rooted in safety trauma, I have to be especially honest about my capacity in moments like this.

And I really want to normalize that for others, too.

There is so much heated discourse on social media right now that essentially says, “If you’re not posting about or reacting to what’s happening 24/7, then you don’t care.” And I understand where that energy comes from.

I find myself side-eyeing people sometimes when I notice complete silence—not a repost, not a story share, nothing. But the truth is, we don’t know what someone is navigating personally.

And we don’t know the ways they may or may not be showing up offline.

So if someone feels like they can’t access the version of themselves that usually “shows up” in moments like this, that may not be negligence.

So the question becomes: How do I stay informed without sacrificing myself?

How do I stay open without absorbing everything?

For me, it’s about sustainability.

Tending to ourselves is not separate from the work.

Regulation—not as “perfecting” the way we manage our emotions and not as emotional suppression, but as a way of steadying ourselves in this highly unsteady moment—is part of collective care.

I do think wellness spaces sometimes over-idealize regulation, as if we’re meant to be “calm” in the face of injustice. That’s not what I’m saying.

Anger has wisdom.

Fire has truth.

And frankly, systems of harm rely on that burnout.

They rely on us exhausting ourselves and giving up.

Grounding, in this season, looks like learning how to channel fire without scorching ourselves.

It looks like pacing ourselves. It looks like remembering that liberation is a long arc.

We can be passionate without being self-destructive. We can be engaged without abandoning ourselves.

That balance is the work.

Stevie Reneé (she/they) is a Gaja-certified well-being coach, Ayurvedic educator, meditation instructor, and embodiment facilitator whose work bridges ritual, ancestral wisdom, and Vedic philosophy. A celebrated writer for ESSENCE and Refinery29, she brings over 15 years of storytelling rooted in identity, healing, and liberation into her practice.

Through her platform Soft Alchemy, Stevie guides soul-led women and femmes in reconnecting with their bodies, regulating their nervous systems, and returning to themselves with clarity, care, and embodied power.

EARLY SIGNS OF SPRING

I’ve been itching for the arrival of the Spring season, injecting rich does of yellow into my wardrobe.

It’s funny because historically, it’s always been green. and orange.

I have had an obsession with green for as long as I can remember- be it a rich kelly green or a hunter green or even a mint green.

I’ve shared at great length previously with you all on my love affair with orange accents, orange lipstick, and beyond.

Yellow surprised me. It was certainly not on my bingo card that I’d be obsessed. But I think it’s a sign that I needed to spark joy, a rush of dopamine to my everyday. You guys know I only wear heels, so thankfully these lovelies have been getting scuffed and bruised from all of my stomping around.

I don’t know if it’s a sign of being chronically online within the fashion algorithm, but i’ve been yearning to see a splash of yellow here and there.

As Spring arrives, I’ve been reaching for my new favorite: The BAACAL Delia Trench in Gray/Wool. I didn’t expect to love it nearly as much as I have- and with sizing up a few sizes to gain the length, I feel incredibly victorious that I now have a maxi trench coat in my arsenal.

If you’re someone who lives in neutrals, consider adding a dose of color in the form of accessories- like fun, vibrant colored sneakers, heels or sandals or boots! a bright colored bag, or maybe even bright and bold colored glasses?

If you’re someone who lives in neutrals, consider adding a dose of color in the form of accessories- like fun, vibrant colored sneakers, heels or sandals or boots! a bright colored bag, or maybe even bright and bold colored glasses?

Big or small touches make a tremendous impact.

And of course, it makes me smile- which is what it’s all about.

While a few of you have noticed that last fall, I made the return to dressing exclusively in “tonal dressing” (opting for a wardrobe entirely comprised of Black, White, Creams, Ivory + bits of Gray)- I will forever and always need punctuation to my outfits to feel most like me.

ADD TO YOUR FILM QUEUE:

From AppleTv: When Ellen and Paul’s son Josh introduces his new girlfriend at their 25th anniversary party, no one suspects that it is the beginning of the end for this happy family. The new girlfriend is Liz, Ellen’s former student, who left the university, some years before, after Ellen called her out in class for her radical ideology.

From Aria: Promotion for this film was abruptly cancelled this past Autumn due to how it too deeply mirrored the direction so many of us see our country going into.

After spending millions to create the film, Lionsgate abandoned dedicated promotion for fear of backlash from the Trump administration.

It’s like other politically themed thrillers we’ve all seen or read before- bits of 1984, bits of Brave New World, bits of what’s been happening.

It’s less of the what- and more about how the characters adapt (and don’t) to the shift.

Subscribe now

NEW ARRIVALS | BAACAL

“in a world of so much noise, our attention span becomes more wealth than money itself.

choosing the classics in my wardrobe, has helped me find ease.

ease in getting dressed each morning.

ease in my constant and often growing decision fatigue.

deciding what to eat, filling my iphone notes app with to-do lists and follow ups, looking for receipts for my accountant that i misplaced, oops i forgot to text back, remembering to walk the dog, getting everything from the store except for what i came to get: the list goes on.

for spring/summer 2026: @baacalofficial ‘s focus has been on perfecting the wardrobe icons. the unsung heroes. the tried and true. “unbasic basics”.

the thing you know you need, and you say “thank goodness i scored it”.

in a world with so much noise, so many decisions to make: this one is one i appreciate: classic. elevated. goes with everything.

the trench coat i fully intend to be wearing 50 years from now.

the heirloom someone will find in a thrift store long after i’m gone, and say the same:

“thank goodness i scored this”.

discover spring new arrivals + future vintage @baacalofficial AD.

Shop Animal Print Trench Coats | Shop BAACAL Favorites for March 2026

*Affiliate Links + Sponsored Content: I use affiliate links in my curated edits, which means I may earn a small commission from brands for items I recommend—at no additional cost to you.

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It’s strange isn’t it?

If you’re like me, you’ve been planning your wedding since you were five years old.

As I age, the aspirations of my pending wedding plans have shifted over and over again. At 21 I was engaged- and I thought a wedding in Vegas with Elvis would be my momentuous moment as a Bride. Edgy and irreverent of tradition. I was in my “indie sleaze” era back then.

That got panned (thankfully!). But then again, at 26, I was engaged again (to another suitor of course)- and I had my heart set on a wedding in Florence,Italy with Anthony Hamilton himself singing and playing keys on a baby grand piano, “The Point of It All” as I walked down the aisle. A small wedding party of course (she’s an introvert!)- no more than 15 guests.

In my dream, I’d wear a custom wedding dress from Zuhair Murad- modest, yet elegant and contemporary. Shoes, in typical Aria Sa’id fashion, would be a pair of pearlescent strappy sandals from my go-to and all time favorite shoe designer, Jimmy Choo.

And in that glorious dress, I’d cut the lemon curd layer cake with lemon creamcheese buttercream frosting with my husband to be- captured exclusively in black and white photography.

And of course, a vintage Mercedes 1960’s 280 SL Pagoda would whisk us away from the ceremonies, towards my honeymoon rendezvous in the Amalfi coast.

That’s the wedding I’ve been planning for as long as I can remember.

While love- in the most romantic affirmations that we know, hasn’t quite worked out for me personally: I will always love, LOVE.

And of course, the biggest and most ostentatious affirmation of it: weddings, in all their glory.

As the Spring season slowly begins to ease into our calendar, I think one of the exciting moments of the Spring season is wedding season. “New Beginnings” and “Spring” often go hand in hand, and for many brides and grooms and partners to be, it’s the most ideal season to tie the knot.

With some of my dear friends beginning to plan their nuptials- and others having sent invites, I thought I’d check in with a woman I deeply admire:

Ms. Chanda Daniels.

She and her work have been on my own vision board and secret wedding pinterest boards for years now- and if I ever did marry, I’m hopeful she would be the one to plan my nuptials.

Take notes my darling and if you’re planning your wedding ceremonies, consider working with Ms. Chanda.

She’s incredibly brilliant, and one of the best in the business.

Enjoy, and happy wedding season!

Aria

WHY ‘A MONIQUE AFFAIR’

Aria: I have been a huge fan of you and your work as a wedding designer ( with Chanda Daniels ) and as a premier wedding & events planner (with A Monique Affair ) for many years, and have bookmarked you as my go-to for the day I decide to tie the knot. Can you tell us about A Monique Affair?

Chanda Daniels: Thank you so much for your kind words and longtime support it truly means the world to me. When you’re ready, I got you!

I started A Monique Affair back in 1999 because I genuinely loved planning and had a deep passion for weddings.

Once I realized wedding planning could be a career, I went all in.

And I wanted to change all that.

Creating a space where my clients feel seen, respected, and truly cared for has always been at the heart of my work. What makes working with A Monique Affair a unique experience is our focus on the planning journey itself. With 27 years of experience behind every decision, there’s no guesswork, just thoughtful guidance, intention, and care.

My team and I are honored to help our clients plan such a meaningful moment in their lives, and we never take that responsibility lightly.

Trends In The World of Weddings

Aria: I have a few subscribers and friends of mine who are planning their nuptials, commitment ceremonies, weddings and vow renewals in the near future. I imagine if you’re not “in the know” and now you’re considering your options for tying the knot- it can be overwhelming.

What trends are you seeing (and loving?) and any traditions that may be less and less engaged in when it comes to weddings?

Chanda: Weddings today are becoming less about spectacle and more about connection, and that shift has been incredibly refreshing to witness.

From a design perspective, I’m seeing a joyful embrace of color and I love it.

Couples are moving away from rigid traditions and instead opting for weddings that feel deeply personal rather than performative.

Celebrations are increasingly reflective of the couple’s values, identities, and relationships, rather than a checklist of “expected” moments.

As for traditions, some are naturally falling away.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I planned a garter toss!

Many couples are also choosing to forgo elements that don’t resonate with them and are replacing them with moments that feel authentic and intentional.

Recession-Proofing Your Nuptials

Aria: In this economy, people are being a lot more vigilant about dollars and cents. When planning a wedding, how can we be more considered about the ceremony and “recession proof” the big day?

Chanda: One of the best ways to be considerate of your friends and family is to simplify the logistics of your celebration. For example, instead of hosting a traditional rehearsal dinner, consider a welcome cocktail at the hotel where most guests are staying.

Weddings have become significantly more expensive in recent years, and as a result, I’m seeing a clear shift toward intentionality. Couples are being far more thoughtful about how they spend their money and, just as importantly, who they choose to spend it with.

This has led to smaller guest counts that better align with both budget expectations and a desire for more meaningful, intimate celebrations.

Keeping your ceremony and reception in a single location, providing transportation when needed, and avoiding a cash bar are all practical ways to ensure your guests feel valued without stretching their budgets.

When it comes to spending, I encourage couples to invest in elements that create lasting memories like great food, an amazing band and thoughtful experiences, while scaling back on extras that add stress or cost without significantly enhancing the guest experience.

The goal is to celebrate intentionally, comfortably, and fun for everyone involved.

Let Go of Your Pinterest Moodboard

Aria: For my “brides to be”, there is a cultural landscape of having the “perfect” day- the perfect dress, the perfect venue, the perfect story and so many women are comparing themselves to their moodboard on Pinterest and Instagram. How can brides honor their personal style, cultural traditions and their own tastes when planning their wedding?

Chanda: My advice is to let go of the idea of a “perfect” wedding as defined by social media and focus instead on your budget and your love story.

Pinterest and Instagram often showcase what gets the most likes, and in full transparency, many of those highly visible weddings have budgets well over $300,000. While they can be beautiful and inspiring, they are not realistic or necessary for most couples.

The most meaningful weddings are the ones that honor personal style, cultural traditions, and what truly matters to the couple.

When brides shift their focus from comparison to intention, they give themselves permission to create a celebration that feels authentic rather than aspirational. Do what’s best for you, not what’s trending.

A wedding rooted in truth and love will always be more powerful than one designed for approval or social media.

What Causes “Bridezilla”?!

Aria: When it comes to wedding planning, what planning decisions cause the most stress for couples and families when planning the big day?

Chanda: This one is easy, the guest list! Without question, it’s the planning decision that causes the most stress for couples and families.

It’s a reminder that a wedding isn’t about filling seats; it’s about celebrating with the people who truly matter. When couples focus on inviting those who are meaningful to their lives and relationships, the celebration becomes more intentional, more intimate, and ultimately more joyful.

Selecting A Wedding Planner

Aria: For brides and grooms and partners to be- what tips do you have for selecting the right wedding planner? I’ve heard so many horror stories- how can consumers avoid them and have more synergy with their wedding planner to ensure the best possible outcome?

Chanda: When selecting a wedding planner, the most important first step is understanding what you truly need.

Wedding planning services exist at different levels, and clarity around the type of support you’re seeking is essential.

A common challenge arises when couples expect a full-service experience while hiring a planner for limited or “month-of” coordination. Aligning expectations from the outset helps avoid frustration on both sides.

I strongly encourage couples to interview at least four planners. Yes, 4!

Ask detailed questions about their planning process, the systems they use to stay organized, and how they communicate with clients.

Request references and speak with recent clients to gain insight into their experience and the planner’s working style. This due diligence ensures that your expectations align with the services being offered.

It’s also important to recognize that investment often reflects experience, expertise, and the level of support provided. Many disconnects occur when couples prioritize the lowest cost but later feel dissatisfied with the planning experience or depth of knowledge.

Carefully reviewing the contract, understanding the scope of services, and being clear about deliverables will help establish a strong, collaborative relationship.

Ultimately, the right wedding planner should feel like a trusted partner: someone whose approach, experience, and values align with yours.

When expectations are clear and communication is strong, the planning process becomes not only smoother, but genuinely enjoyable.

What If I’m Not Getting Married… Yet?

Aria: I know your forte and expertise is in the world of weddings, but for single gals like me who don’t really see myself getting married (you never know, but i’m pretty sure LOL)- are there other moments you and your team curate?

Chanda: I love this question too because love and celebrations aren’t limited to weddings.

While weddings are a large part of what we do, A Monique Affair plans and curates milestone celebrations of all kinds.

We work with clients on birthday celebrations, weekend wine-tasting getaways, retreats, brand and book launch parties, and meaningful gatherings designed to honor life’s moments big and small.

Our approach remains the same across all events: thoughtful planning, personalized details, and an experience that feels authentic and elevated.

Let’s go if it’s a moment worth celebrating, we’re honored to help curate it.

What Feels Authentic To YOU?

Aria: Last Question, I promise!!!

What is one tip you’d give Brides (and Groom’s and Partner’s) to be when starting their journey in planning the big day?

Chanda: The most important advice I give couples is to truly enjoy the planning process and make choices that feel right for them.

At its core, the only legal requirements for a wedding are an officiant and a marriage license, everything beyond that is optional and should be guided by what brings the couple joy and meaning.

When couples give themselves permission to prioritize what feels authentic to them, the planning experience becomes more fulfilling and the celebration itself far more meaningful.

Meet Chanda Daniels:

As the owner and creative director of Chanda Daniels Planning + Design and the founder of A Monique Affair, Chanda Daniels has become an industry leader known for her innovative approach and meticulous organization.

Named a Top Wedding Planner by Harper's Bazaar, Martha Stewart Weddings, and Brides- Mrs. Chanda Daniels also honored as one of The Most Influential People in the Events Industry in the United States for 2024. Her work has been featured in several national publications, including Martha Stewart Weddings, Munaluchi Bride, The Knot, and Today's Bride.

Chanda is based in Oakland, California where she lives with her wife, Stephanie, and enjoys spending time with her daughter, Chloe and granddaughter Marleigh.

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Sponsored Content: Today’s post is loving sponsored by my dear friends at BAACAL, where I work as a freelance style advisor from time to time. Thank you CV + Rebecca! Muah!

BAACAL is a CFDA designer led brand dedicated to providing sustainably made premium Ready To Wear wardrobe heroes for the “True Size Majority”- from sizes US 8-28. Creating “FUTURE VINTAGE” and a focus on forever pieces- BAACAL is proudly sewn, cut, stitched and produced in their Los Angeles studio, sourcing from deadstock fabrics and focusing on ethical production and eco-conscious fashion options. Be sure to follow their work on socials!

SHOP BAACAL at Nordstrom’s.

In fashion, certain silhouettes transcend trend cycles and instead become part of a designer’s permanent vocabulary.

For BAACAL founder Cynthia Vincent, the pleated dress is one of those rare, enduring forms—rooted in history, shaped by craftsmanship, and beloved for how it moves with the body.

Architecturally focused, sculptural- it’s perhaps one of our most versatile pieces we offer in that it is both literally “wearable art” and perfect for everyday styling.

Cynthia’s method to pleated pieces fuse modernity to classic silhouettes in fashion, like the pleated dresses and skirts of the early 19th century.

Brilliantly bridging the references to the past whilst making these pieces feel both contemporary, elevated and yet, incredibly wearable for both everyday and evening.

While pleats have come back to the forefront of the zeitgeist in recent seasons, fabric pleating is not simply a decorative technique. It is an art form with centuries-old lineage, famously refined in Venice through the work often associated with FORTUNY gowns- the Delphos, which many reference as part of the canon of fashion—ethereal garments inspired by the drape of ancient Greek sculpture.

The romantic era of that history, combined with the revelation that intricate hand processes were central to their creation, left a lasting impression on Cynthia early in her creative life.

As a student at Otis College of Art & Design’s Parsons Summer Program for aspiring fashion designers, Cynthia would frequent museums and recall how pleating became a motif that resonated with her in her formative design studies.

For Cynthia, pleats has become a symbol of timeless elegance and representative of innovation. In the design process, we’ve discussed at great lengths how one might wear architecturally focused design in everyday life.

Craft, Process, and the Magic of Hand Pleating

What continues to draw Vincent back to pleats is not only their visual beauty, but the hands-on craftsmanship behind them.

True pleating is tactile and collaborative—fabric carefully layered between patterned papers, pressed into shape, and transformed through heat and steam.

Today, BAACAL works directly with master pleaters in Los Angeles, women-owned, minority-owned ateliers whose techniques reflect decades of expertise and preservation of an artform that has slowly disappeared with the mass engagement of fast fashion.

Creating a single pleated garment can require multiple artisans working in unison, carefully folding fabric between boards before it is steamed into permanence.

The result is texture, movement, and dimensionality that flat fabric alone can never achieve.

This devotion to process is also where innovation happens.

Vincent’s signature double-pleat technique—featuring subtle horizontal interruptions within vertical pleats—evolved from unexpected inspiration- the pleated paper once used to insulate wine bottles.

Why Pleated Dresses Flatter Every Body Shape

Beyond artistry, pleats endure because they are profoundly wearable.

A pleated dress flows rather than constricts, skims the curvature of your body rather than clings, and creates softness and motion with every step.

The diaphanous nature and quality of pleated fabric allows for natural movement, breathability and something we all love: a forgiving structure that adapts to the body (and you can ditch the shapewear and fly free if you’d like!).

Because BAACAL’s pleated pieces are vertically pleated (up and down), it allows for visual elongation and adds that extra touch of elegance. And just being honest: it takes the same amount of energy to put on as you would sweat pants- but it looks like you tried. A win!

For BAACAL—designed exclusively for sizes 10–28—this matters deeply. True craftsmanship in plus-size fashion means garments that are not only beautiful, but thoughtfully engineered to honor the body.

Elevated hand-pleating remains rare in extended and plus sizing, making it a defining element of BAACAL’s design perspective.

Timeless. Yet Modern.

Whether fashion leans minimalist or maximalist, pleats always remain visually compelling—never dated, always a touch of visual interest. Few garments balance practicality and elegance the way pleated dresses do.

An added bonus? They travel beautifully (just twist the garment into itself forming a small round, like one would a scarf!), maintain their structure over time, and resist the feeling of being tied to any single trend.

This sense of permanence is why pleated silhouettes continue to appear across BAACAL collections.

They embody the brand’s core belief: that clothing should feel modern today, meaningful tomorrow, and collectible for years to come.

A Signature That Continues To Be Modernized

For Cynthia Vincent, pleats are more than a recurring motif—they are a lifelong dialogue between history, craft, and the contemporary body.

Each BAACAL pleated dress carries that heritage forward, translating centuries of technique into garments designed for the women who wear them now.

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today’s post is long + worthwhile. consider this your new guide. you’re welcome. for best viewing, read in the substack app. you can also skip my esoteric preamble by scrolling down. k bye! - aria

For as long as social media has existed, I have struggled intensely with how to show up online.

You’re shocked, aren’t you? But it’s true.

I am someone who for most of my life has no real ambition to be seen- but the realities and nature of my work propelled me into the growing conversation at the early onset of the “Transgender Tipping Point” and the intersection with a new movement called “Black Lives Matter”.

I despised being visible, especially for visibility sake. Fame- and the pursuit of it, is hollow to me. Empty and cold. I have watched many celebrated people in my own life keep chasing it, because it’s loyal to no one. It keeps moving, like trying to grasp at smoke. And yet for some reason at that time, people wanted to hear from me. I’m still intrigued as to why- and it’s the answer I’ll probably never get.

And while that’s how I got here, I am to this day still trying to find my own voice. I am still wondering how do I show up even when I’d rather not?

How does one perform for the internet? It’s a daily struggle- one that for the past few years has been incredibly challenging for me in more recent years.

For the past decade, my talking points were extremely clear: talk about the problems that transgender people face, and how you and the broader movement are working to solve them.

And for nearly 2 decades, I stayed on script. I never deviated from it.

My online presence and its growth was crystal clear: You have a cause to promote, you have to fundraise for it, and you have to move the needle to make change possible.

But after stepping down from the organization I created and dedicated every fiber of my being to:I felt lost.

Since I was 17, I’d been advocating for trans rights.

And now, I am no longer relevant to that conversation. So who am I now?

And how do I show up on the internet without a cause to champion?

Who am I in real life? Like real life? Do I keep showing up? Do people still want to hear from me?

I am not someone who desires to be seen just to be seen. I didn’t- and still don’t know how to show up, without a message or a cause to promote. I have no desire to share my personal life, photos of me and my family, the “going on’s” of my life in real time- and I am not exactly a person you would label as a “friend in your head”.

I am an anti-social introvert who for much of her career, moonlighted as extrovert because that was what my job required. I’m not exactly relatable, or provovative. I’m boring. Really boring.

In a world where people seem to share everything- from how they look when they wake up, to the thoughts on their brain, turning the camera on in real time and recording their rough cut thoughts to their friends and audiences- to celebrities using social media to share provocative thoughts on politics, or releasing their newborn baby’s photos before magazines hunt them down with paparazzi. It has often been a struggle for me to tarce out how do I show up online now?

While I have intentionally kept my personal life quite private- you’ll likely never know who I am dating, where I live, what I ate for breakfast or watch me have political debates on the internet- I have more recently began to wonder how do I show up?

The reality is, whether we like or not, you have to show up. If you’re like me and you’re freelance, you learn fairly quickly that memories are short- and “out of sight is out of mind” as my mother keeps reminding me.

Deactivating my social media pages for 9 months in 2024 revealed to me that while I detest social media for a number of reasons- my invisibility impacted my ability to earn a living.

Whether you lead an organization, or you simply perform an important role at one- the job market has changed.

Now it feels like you have to add “LinkedIn Influencer” to your skillset in order to have mobility in a forever changing job force.

Long gone are the days where “your resume speaks for itself”- that era died in 2015, and so many of us have been slow to adopt on to the new rules.

I am not an expert at showing up on the internet. So I tapped my friend and colleague, Bilen Mesfin of Change Consulting to help us all out.

HOW TO SHOW UP ONLINE ft. BILEN MESFIN + CHANGE CONSULTING

She has been my own trusted crisis communications expert for my own career- aiding me when a picture of me went viral and I was cancelled (one of the 20 times LOL)- and supporting my team and I when Candace Owens used us in her documentary to propel her nasty agenda. I’d link to it, but i don’t want to give that lady airtime.

And the many other moments where I didn’t know who to turn to help fix things. Too many to name.

Bilen Mesfin has built a national reputation as a trusted strategist in crisis communications, narrative change, and movement-centered public relations. As CEO of Change Consulting, she advises nonprofits, politicians, advocacy leaders, and frontline organizations navigating high-stakes visibility—helping them communicate their mission while managing their safety, integrity, and long-term impact.

In this conversation, we explore what it means to show up online- even if you’re like me, and rather not be seen.

Subscribe to Bilen’s Substack:

HOW TO SHOW UP WHEN YOU’D RATHER NOT…

Aria: You’ve been leading crisis communications, communications strategy and PR for some incredible movements and organizations across the country through Change Consulting, and I thought of you instantly when I was thinking of this concept of “how do you show up online when you’d rather not be seen”. HA! Story of my life!

So many of the leaders and organizations you work with are doing powerful, and often quiet work. When someone tells you they feel shy, hesitant, or unsure about being visible online, what do you usually say to them first?

BILEN: First, I want to say these are usually our favorite types of client to work with – folks who have their heads down and are doing the work, and more focused on making impact than making headlines. Because first and foremost, communications is about the work.

Second, I would say “you’re not wrong for feeling that way.”

I also have been reading The Siren’s Call by Chris Hayew and it reminds me that a key ingredient for getting attention online (or just attention period these days) is shamelessness.

For those of us who do have guardrails for what we want to say, do or represent ourselves online, that will be hard. So I never try to coach people out of that feeling. I try to honor it as wisdom.

From there, I try to separate two things: visibility and performance.

A lot of leaders think “being visible online” means constant content, personal branding, sharing everything, debating trolls.

That’s one model, but it’s not the only one.

So I’ll ask them: “What’s the smallest, truest, most consistent way you could show up online that would still serve your people?”

Sometimes that’s one thoughtful post a week, an ongoing video series, a quarterly update naming what they’re seeing on the ground, or amplifying their organization and partners instead of centering themselves personally.

I also emphasize that you’re allowed to have boundaries.

We can design an online presence that aligns with our risk level and nervous system.

That can look like choosing 1 to 2 platforms instead of trying to be everywhere,

deciding in advance what’s off-limits (family, location, real-time updates), and keeping sensitive organizing in private, encrypted spaces, not public feeds.

Finally, I remind them that visibility is about purpose and utility.

What is the goal for communicating? Raising funds? Getting the right support from the right audiences to move policy wins?

If we can be clear on who they want to move, and offer those audiences a window into their work or solution, that can make a real impact.

It is possible to show up in a way that protects your humanity and still lets your work be seen.

Should I Take LinkedIn Seriously?!

Aria: You know I hate LinkedIn, right?! Like hate it!!!! (I said this already but it felt necessary to reiterate).

And I think the reason why is it’s agenda is uncloaked in that it feels like you have to have this fully baked personal brand up and running. It’s not really enough to be an employee or a consultant- you have to be a brand too!

With so much out there right now driving all of us to “build a personal brand,” especially in social-impact spaces. How do you define personal branding in a way that feels values-aligned, human, and not performative?

Bilen: I recently posted about Linkedin and some algorithm changes that makes it easier for folks to show up a bit more authentically on there.

I think a lot of that allergy to “personal branding,” the way the platforms are built, it can feel like you’re only allowed to exist as a fully packaged product: a niche, a storyline, a never-ending stream of takes.

In social-impact spaces, that pressure gets even weirder, because it can turn real movement work into content and make advocacy feel like performance instead of practice.

So I don’t use “personal brand” in the influencer sense.

When I’m working with leaders, I define it as thought leadership – the visible through-line between your values, your commitments, and your track record over time, and what you want to be known for now.

It’s not something you invent from scratch; it’s something you clarify and then let people see on purpose.

You can “do personal branding” by letting your real work, your real questions, and your real learning be a little more legible in public—at a frequency and in formats that are sustainable for you.

That might look like occasionally naming what you’re wrestling with in your work, lifting up collaborators, or sharing a concrete lesson instead of a polished “thought leadership” thread.

I also think an important part of values-aligned branding is refusing the performative trap.

I learned a long time ago that “how you get it is how you have to keep it”, so for me, it’s better to “get it” by being authentic so it can be sustainable.

So I’d rather see a quiet, occasional presence that’s honest than a high-volume feed that looks great but doesn’t match your practice.

In that sense, the question isn’t “How do I build a brand?”

It’s “How do I make sure that, when people do encounter me online, what they see is a truthful extension of my work and my values – not a performance I have to keep up?”

Authenticity? Who Is She?

Aria: I’ve had the pleasure of working with you and your team at a pivotal time for The Transgender District, as well as with my own platforms.

You and the team at Change Consulting have helped nonprofits, foundations, and movement leaders translate complex, justice-driven work for public audiences.What separates organizations that feel authentic online from those that feel overly polished or disconnected?

Bilen: For me, the difference between organizations that feel authentic online and ones that feel overly polished comes down to this: are they offering true value?

The organizations that feel disconnected are the ones that rush to issue a beautifully worded statement every time there’s a crisis, but you can’t trace those words back to their budgets, their programs, their staffing, or their power-building.

The tone may be flawless, but if there’s no underlying shift in where they move money, who they center, or how they show up over time, audiences feel that gap immediately.

The polish starts to read as distance.

By contrast, the orgs that feel human and trustworthy are usually doing three things:

• They treat communications as one piece of their action, not a substitute for it. They’re willing to show receipts: where they’re funding, who they’re partnering with, how they’re changing harmful policies and practices inside their own walls. The message is grounded in material changes, not vibes.

• They’re honest about the fact that the work is external, internal, and personal. They talk about what they’re backing in the field, how they’re examining their own policies and culture, and what they’re learning as individual leaders. That humility – “we’re in process, here’s what we’re trying” – feels very different from a perfectly branded value statement.

• They communicate in a way that invites people into the work. Instead of just declaring a stance, they share concrete actions, lift up partners, and ask, “What will we do about this?” That moves the conversation from “Look at our statement” to “Join us in doing the work.”

Authenticity online is about making sure what you say is a clear reflection of what you’re actually doing – and are willing to be held accountable for – over time.

Why Do Some Causes Shine And Others Don’t Get Seen?

Aria: Something I often discuss with my consulting clients is a reality people hate to illuminate: there are over a million IRS registered nonprofits in the continental United States- and sadly, not all of them are well resourced or thriving in today’s economic landscape. But they all have a mission and a problem they are working to solve in the human experience.

From where you sit, balancing communications strategy and public relations - why do some nonprofits seem to resonate more deeply with audiences—even when they have fewer resources or smaller platforms?

What are they doing differently from a communications standpoint?

Bilen: One differentiator could be that those nonprofits have leaders who treat communications as a core leadership function, not an add‑on.

They resource it with the same seriousness they bring to programs, policy, and organizing, because they understand that in this moment, how you communicate is part of the work, not separate from it.

We are living in a time when everyone is inundated with content and attention is fragmented. That means you can be doing the most powerful, justice‑driven work on the ground and still be invisible to the people you need - community members, decision‑makers, funders - if you don’t have a thoughtful communications strategy and, equally as important, capacity around it.

They don’t see comms as “spin” or “PR”; they see it as narrative strategy, base‑building, and accountability.

I also think funders have a huge role here.

If you say you care about impact, you have to be willing to fund the infrastructure that makes impact visible and contagious.

That means treating communications staff, narrative strategy, and digital capacity as core infrastructure - just as essential as program staff or policy teams - not as a nice‑to‑have line item that gets cut first.

The organizations that are winning hearts, minds, and policy right now are the ones whose leaders and funders understand that communications is power, and resource it accordingly.

But What If I Am An Introvert?!

Aria: People are often shocked that in my real life, I am incredibly introverted and reserved. I really struggle with public speaking- it makes me nauseous- I avoid it at all costs and always throw up before or after. Still, after all these years. But I guess over the years I’ve “presented” as extroverted when I’m working.

I find that a lot of people believe they need to be extroverted, confident, or constantly “on” to show up online. How can quieter leaders or organizers build presence without betraying or compromising who they are?

Bilen: I am actually shocked by that!

As a fellow introvert, I may be biased but I actually think introverts are effective leaders.

We know how to read a room; we can sense and understand what people want because we spend time listening first; we are introverted but we are often externally focused; we build relationships well because we love one on one interaction vs crowds.

So I want to start by saying: you don’t have to be loud to be a leader. Some of the most powerful leaders I know are not natural extroverts. Their impact comes from listening closely, thinking deeply, and speaking with intention, not from taking up the most space.

For quieter leaders, presence comes from clarity and consistency.

We can take the pressure of performance off ourselves, right?

We don’t need to be everywhere or “on” all the time.

We can choose formats that fit us - for example, I love to write and I also love training on zoom webinars of all things - and then show up regularly in ways that feel sustainable. Let your values and your point of view be what’s loud vs your personality.

I am also a firm believer in always growing and always learning so I have invested in speaking coaches and practice so I can learn some of the techniques and basics to help me more comfortable when in front of others, whether it is a small room or a big one.

Invest in Communications or Hire A Grantwriter?!?!

Aria: I’m sure you’ve seen this in your work over the years as I see it my own: so many leaders think that the first thing they need to invest in is development and fundraising. And it would seem natural- organizations need money.

But in the early days of The Transgender District specifically, I actually invested in Communications FIRST- then fundraising was strengthened later (I did the bulk of the fundraising until I could expand the team).

A lot of my audience are fellow social justice leaders or entrepreneurs, so I’d love for you to weigh in on this one. For both entrepreneurs and social justice-focused organizations- navigating crisis, backlash, or political shifts, what role does communications strategy play in protecting both the mission and the people behind it?

Bilen: Yes, this is exactly what I was talking about earlier - you just get it!

One of the biggest shifts I’ve seen and that we’ve lived through with clients is that for social justice organizations, communications is no longer a “nice to have” you get to after development.

It’s a leadership function that protects your people, your mission, and your wins in an environment that is more polarized, more surveilled, and more reactive than ever.​

When an organization is navigating crisis, backlash, or big political shifts, a strong communications strategy does three things:

• It gives you a plan before the fire starts. That means having a rapid response and crisis comms infrastructure in place - clear roles, decision trees, draft messages, and monitoring systems - so you’re not making it up from scratch in the middle of harm. The groups that hold their ground are the ones that know who speaks, what they’ll say, and where they’ll say it when their work or people are attacked.

• It protects your people while holding your line. Thoughtful crisis and rapid response strategy lets you correct misinformation, push back on bad-faith attacks, and stand with your communities.

• It defends the mission so you can keep organizing. When you’re under attack, every hour you spend untangling rumors or scrambling over a bad statement is an hour you’re not building power. Strategic communications helps you stabilize the narrative, rebuild trust, and get back to the work faster.

Rapid response and crisis communications are not a side specialty anymore. They’re baked into overall strategic communications.

We have to defend as we build.

How To Not Feel “SELF PROMOTIONAL” When Showing Up Online

Aria: Let me also just say, like I’ve said - I hate LINKEDIN.

But when I see how you have been engaging in storytelling on there, it reminds me that I don’t need to try to be a LinkedIn “influencer”.

Whether I like it or not, LinkedIn has become an unexpected space for thought leadership, organizing, and storytelling.

How can nonprofit leaders and advocates show up on LinkedIn in a way that feels grounded, not corporate or self-promotional?

Bilen: Have a goal for why you are on Linkedin or any platform. Our time is precious so our moves must be purposeful.

Who are you trying to reach and what do you want to be known for?

For me it is primarily to reach folks who could be our clients or to help nonprofits and organizers with some examples, case studies and strategies. With that in mind, I post 1-2 things a week aligned with that purpose.

I don’t believe in vanity metrics–I measure the impact of communications success by whether or not the strategy or tactic helped move the needle on the thing we actually want to get done.

So I would say,

For those of us who want to share our perspectives but who shy away from posting on LinkedIn because of the overwhelming amount of “clickbaity” noise, I’ve noticed a shift on the platform.

Over the past few months, the posts that travel far feel more relevant, specific, and worth reading. LinkedIn is now rewarding authority over attention. A few algorithm shifts Social Bee points out and I’m seeing play out in practice

• Expert-led content is getting more visibility. Frameworks, analysis, industry breakdowns, and lessons learned.

• Posts should actually say something. Clickbait and vague storytelling are getting less traction.

• Hashtags matter less than they used to. LinkedIn seems much better at understanding what you’re actually talking about based on the text itself.

• Comment quality matters more than comment volume. Thoughtful replies that move the conversation forward appear to extend a post’s life.

• Relevance is beating recency. Posts can stay active for days (even weeks later) if they continue to resonate with the right audience.

• Depth and clarity matter. Straightforward text posts outperform slick formats when they actually help people think, decide, or do something differently.

This feels like a shift to “what’s useful.”

If you’re a leader and want to post more, be clear about what you want to be known for. Share insight that teaches or challenges, not just promotes.

Pay attention to who’s engaging and why.

Be genuinely helpful.

Right now, clarity and usefulness are what we all need most.

Thank you Bilen + Change Consulting for weighing in.

I’m so grateful for you and your entire team!!!!

Be sure to subscribe to Bilen’s substack and follow her on LinkedIn!

To learn more about Change Consulting: click here.

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We’ve all had that heart-skipping moment while scrolling The RealReal: the gasp, the click, the obsessive zoom-in, the convincing ourselves this bag is basically destiny.

You squint at the condition notes—“Excellent,” “Very Good,” “Good”—and convince yourself the price is totally reasonable for something that once strutted a runway in Milan or Paris.

Then comes the 20-minute checkout clock, the trembling hands, and the wildly adult realization that you are about to spend what feels like a car down payment on a piece of leather. But you’ve struck gold, right?!

Fast forward to the unboxing, the living-room fashion show, the mirror stare-down… and suddenly you know.

This is not it. And unfortunately, it’s final sale.

Pre-owned luxury shopping is a thrill sport, so the goal is to stack the odds in your favor.

First: read the condition notes like gospel.

“Excellent” at Fashionphile might mean near-new, while “Excellent” on The RealReal can still include a few little love taps from a former life.

Second: know your dealbreakers.

For me, that’s musty smells, popped stitches, stains, or anything that looks like it’s been through emotional distress. I respect a beat-up Mary-Kate Olsen Hermès moment, but I personally draw the line at “basement chic.”

Being clear about what you can—and cannot—live with saves you from a lot of post-purchase spiraling. and a lot of heartbreak. trust me.

It also helps to buy things you’ve actually seen in real life.

Maybe you tried it on once, saw it on a friend, or stalked it through a boutique window. Blind-buying a designer bag you’ve never touched can feel less like shopping and more like roulette.

Measurements matter too, especially for us curvy girls like me! You have to consider strap length, handle drop, how a bag hits the body—all of it changes how something actually wears. You also have to pay attention to The Real Real’s measurements for garments! I’d say most times, they’re really inaccurate.

I’ve learned the hard way that some of our favorite influencers’ obsessions simply don’t love me back.

And finally, protect your peace: whenever possible, choose platforms with return windows or pay for the return guarantee.

These days I mostly shop Fashionphile for pre-owned bags for their return guarantee policy.

I still love The RealReal for runway pieces- dresses, statement jewelry, and under-the-radar designers like Marni, Busayo,Proenza Schouler, Ranjana Khan or Bally, where the prices are prices you can bounce back from.

Pre-owned designer fashion is so much more accessible now with the scaling of the pre-loved market- and I know so many of you have your favorites- Vestiaire Collective or Ebay or Depop and Vinted.

It can be magic when done thoughtfully—you just need a little strategy, a little restraint, and a lot of self-awareness… plus maybe a very good lint-free mirror for those post-delivery runway walks.

There is something quietly powerful about discovering a fragrance that feels like it was designed for everyone- but not in a “mass appeal” way or fragrances that evoke an archetype (I’m flashing back to my days of wearing Viktor and Rolfe’s “Flowerbomb” or Baccarat Rouge 540 from Maison Francis Kurkdijan).

Fragrances- and the marketing world around them- tend to focus on tapping into our imaginations of the aspirational self. ““This is the woman or man you’ll become when you put this on”.

Don’t get me wrong- I love the fantastical marketing of fragrance ads. I think they are incredibly genius- getting us to shuffle ourselves into a department store for sniffs and samples.

One spritz, and suddenly you’re the femme fatale, the 1960’s Sophia Loren-esque vixen on a yacht on the shores of the Amalfi- or you’re the bronzed adonis like gladiator in any of Calvin Klein’s fragrances.

Either way, much of the fragrance world has placed it’s bets on the tried and true marketing strategy of appealing to our imagination, our aspirational self. And it’s almost always gendered.

That is what makes the global expansion of OCTAVIA MORGAN Los Angeles in Ulta stores across the world, so exciting- and what Ms. Octavia Morgan has been trying to decipher in the world of luxury fragrances since the inception of the brand.

As a prestige fragrance house built on a clean beauty ethos and gender-neutral scent design, the brand offers a refreshed, modern approach to how we experience luxury fragrance today.

An added bonus? Her work is still under the radar, which is a benefit for someone like me who hates walking into an elevator and knowing exactly what someone is wearing because popularity has spread to Tik Tok.

Nothing against popular fragrances- they are popular for a reason! But these days, I do quite like sourcing the “lesser known” brands for a scent profile that feels a bit more unique to me.

The OCTAVIA MORGAN collection is designed as a full sensory wardrobe, spanning fine fragrance, body care, candles, and home scent.

What began as a tightly edited set of signature perfumes has evolved into a beautifully curated scent library meant to be mixed, layered, and lived with.

Each fragrance is crafted to evoke mood and memory—whether that’s something bright and citrus-forward, warm and woody, or softly grounding—allowing wearers to select their scent the same way they might choose an outfit or a piece of jewelry.

What sets the line apart is its commitment to gender-neutral fragrance. Rather than dividing scents into “for her” or “for him,” OCTAVIA MORGAN Los Angeles focuses on the artistry of the notes themselves.

“A rich wood, a bright citrus, a sensual floral—these aren’t masculine or feminine,” Octavia Morgan shared with me. “They’re simply beautiful.”

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That philosophy allows each fragrance to meet the wearer on their own terms, inviting self-expression without labels or limitations.

Equally important is the brand’s clean-beauty formulation, created for those who love fragrance but are mindful of what goes on their skin.

The scents are made without harsh synthetics, phthalates, or common irritants, resulting in compositions that feel both luxurious and wearable.

As Octavia explained, the goal was to create fragrances that feel “sophisticated yet effortless”—scents that sit beautifully on the skin throughout the day without overwhelming the senses.

Whether you’re creating an inviting atmosphere for guests or curating an ambience for yourself, the OCTAVIA MORGAN line extends into candles and home scents, allowing that same olfactory elegance to live in your space.

Octavia describes the collection as a scent library you can move through depending on your mood—uplifting, sensual, cozy, or serene—making fragrance a daily ritual rather than a fixed signature

With OCTAVIA MORGAN Los Angeles now available at ULTA Beauty, discovering that perfect scent—or building your own fragrance wardrobe—has never been easier.

I believe a fragrance truly makes the outfit- it becomes part of how you move through the world.

From the samples I was sent in PR, the scents range from a more pronounced sillage to more subtle- and I love how the fragrances can be mixed and layered to create your own signature scent.

My personal favorite is Casablanca for spicy, layered scenting and Dark Rose nails it in having enough complexity in balancing florals and sandalwoods.

And, it looks like Dark Rose is the fan favorite from the reviews on Fragrantica (where I research perfumes) to see if they will perform in the ways I’d hope for.

-Aria

OCTAVIA MORGAN Los Angeles is a Genderless Clean Fine Fragrance and Beauty brand based in Los Angeles, CA.

A Black Woman Owned & Operated Boutique Fragrance House- OM sources, curates and creates fragrances, beauty, and home goods with the intention and purpose to “Elevate Your Senses.”

Each of their parfums, beauty products, and home fragrances each have a unique signature blend designed for a one- of -a -kind sensory experience.

*This post, written by Aria Sa’id, in conversation with Octavia Morgan, was originally published on The Curvy Fashionista.

*Affiliate Links: I want to be transparent about how I earn a living. My curated edits feature affiliate links, which allow me to retain a commission for creating and promoting my content, and items I love, sort of like a referral fee. Should you decide to purchase, the brand is responsible with sending me a small commission for plug and promotion. This of course, is at no additional cost to the consumer.

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It feels a little strange for me to be sharing budgeting and financial planning advice—so I won’t!

Instead, I called in my dear friend Jeff Henry, a historian, angel investor, tech mogul, and longtime finance coach who’s helped me get my own money life together, to offer a few smart, grounding thoughts as we set our resolutions.

—Aria

Navigating Uncertainty

Aria: A lot of people I know feel extremely anxious about money right now. In 2026, how should we be thinking about personal finance when the economy feels uncertain or unpredictable?

Jeff: First, breathe.

Money is a root stressor, but the core consideration is always the same: can these bills be paid with the resources I have? I tell everyone to remove the emotion and treat it like a simple math problem.

Focus on your total income versus your “runway”—how long you can last without active income. Identify what you can quickly cut if money gets tight and look for ways to bring more money in to cover your baseline balance, regardless of how glamorous the work is.

There is a difference between money management and constant income.

The “Great Salary” Paradox

Aria: I’m finding that on the books I have a decent income, but somehow running out of money before payday every month.

If a person finds they have a “great salary”—is making more money the issue? What’s really going on—and where should we start to fix it?

Jeff: You need to audit your expenses by looking at two categories: fixed vs variable.

• Fixed Expenses: These are expenses you don’t have a choice in paying every month, like rent, utilities, and car payments.

• Variable Expenses: These are “little luxuries” like coffee shop stops and eating out for lunch.

Audit your bank statements back six months to look for patterns in overspending.

The culprits are usually extensive overspending on variables or “lifestyle creep” in your fixed expenses—like renting an apartment or leasing a car you can’t actually afford based on your current income.

AI and digital money management apps like Monarch or Origin are great tools for running this exercise.

Planning for Real Life

Aria: We’ve talked about my disdain for budgeting. Like, I am so great when it comes to creating and managing budgets for my companies but I kind of go “balls to the wall” with my credit card at times when I binge buy.

How can people create a budget that actually works for their real life—and doesn’t feel like punishment?

Jeff: Shift the mindset to “creating a plan for your life.” Rather than viewing a budget as a constraint, weigh those splurge choices against the plan you have built for your life.

Money is an accelerant to have access to the ultimate luxury: Time.

Ask yourself: is that splurge purchase worth taking time away from yourself?

Separately, plan for those out-of-the-box splurge purchases—making these is definitely okay, so long as you stick to the plan you set for yourself.

Managing Overwhelming Debt

Aria: 2024 was the first time I ever had massive debt that felt incredibly overwhelming. What’s the smartest way to approach paying it down without putting your entire life on hold?

Jeff: If you are new to this process, I HIGHLY recommend finding an established and affordable financial coaching firm like The Financial Gym.

The cost of spending to have someone external hold you accountable to a plan to get out of debt is invaluable psychologically.

Ultimately, if you end up in a large amount of debt, it is going to require behavior change, which is typically easier to accomplish with someone holding you accountable.

Help is always available if you ask for it.

Realities of Savings

Aria: There’s a lot of confusion around savings. How much should people realistically have saved right now, and how do you think about emergency funds versus everyday savings?

Jeff: The word “savings” often gets conflated and confused with “investment.” If you are just starting out, prioritize a $1,000 emergency savings fund—this is for psychological security as much as it is for practical use in the event of an emergency.

As you progress in your financial journey, you should have around six months of expenses saved in order to account for a huge life event like a layoff.

Editorial Note: This should be kept as cash in a High-Yield Savings Account (HYSA). In 2026, keeping “cash” in a standard checking account is a major money leak due to lost interest. Anything beyond that safety net should be kept in other vehicles like the stock market, which can provide a greater return on your capital over time.

When to Start Investing

Aria: I’ve learned so much from you over the years on investing—but a lot of people hear “you should be investing” and it can feel intimidating. How do you know when you’re actually ready to invest instead of just focusing on savings?

Jeff: Once you’ve paid off your debt and created an emergency fund, you’re ready to invest.

People often rush to invest even if they are in a large amount of debt because they like to see their money grow quickly to “feel” better.

In fact, if you invest before paying off your debt, it’s basically like throwing a cup of water on a raging fire—it won’t do much of anything.

For example, investing in the stock market returns 8-10% on average each year, however, a credit card could charge you up to 30% in interest every month. Kill the interest first.

The Rent vs. Buy Debate

Aria: Homeownership used to feel like a universal goal—and even I have treated it like a lost cause. In today’s market, how do you know if buying a home is the right move—or if renting makes more sense financially?

Jeff: I’m anti-homeownership at the moment, so I’ll answer this with a bit of bias.

I only think homeownership makes sense if you know you are going to be settled in an area for several years and/or if you have a family that you are raising. Homeownership often comes with hidden costs that you wouldn’t pay as a tenant—do you know how much a water heater costs?

Renting doesn’t allow you to build equity, but it unshackles you from long-term debt and provides more convenience in your day-to-day life.

Building Wealth on Any Income

Aria: Not everyone is earning six figures—and even if some of my audiences are—they are also living in cities where the cost of living is incredibly high. Whether you make six figures or four figures a year—what are some realistic ways people can build wealth over time without taking on a ton of risk?

Jeff: I can give you the tools and context to think about your money differently, but this isn’t professional investment advice. My goal is to help you get informed.

I’d recommend looking into robo-advisement services like Wealthfront, Betterment, and Acorns. These services take the deeper complexities of investing out of the picture while bringing you along on a learning journey.

Editorial Note: Jeff introduced Aria to ACORNS, and she has been using it for 5 years now and has really liked the round up savings feature- where the app audits your checking account and withdraws the dollar difference to your ACORNS account to the nearest dollar on each purchase.

A brilliant savings plan I don’t have to think about and when you check in every 6 months, you’ve saved some pretty pennies! Also my accountant LOVES it because then we have even dollar transactions on the ledger.

Plugging Money Leaks

Aria: We recently talked about “money leaks” and how those dollars add up over time. What are the most common money leaks you see—those small habits or expenses that quietly drain people’s finances?

Jeff: Go back to your plan for your life and make those little luxuries fit into that plan.

Always weigh those purchases against your ability to have freedom of time, the most valuable resource available to us all.

Editorial Note: Jeff suggests checking your "Subscription Drift"—it's the most common 2026 money leak where small, recurring digital expenses quietly add up over time. Once you see these as a trade-off for your time, it becomes much easier to course-correct without feeling deprived.

Redefining Success for 2026

Aria: If you could redefine “financial success” for 2026, what would it look like—and what mindset shifts do people need to make to get there?

Jeff: One of my favorite quotes to live by (I have it tattooed on my leg to guide my steps) is a line from the poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.”

For 2026, financial success is about agency. Money should be an accelerant for your dreams, which should be the core of that plan.

Money is a tool—treat it like one.

Jeff’s Audit Guide

To fix the payday crunch, you need to see the math clearly. Use this 4-step guide to reclaim your cash flow.

1. Gather the Data: Use an app like Monarch or Origin to pull your last six months of spending.

2. Sort Your Fixed vs. Variable:

• Fixed: List non-negotiables like rent, insurance, and car payments. If these are too high, you are facing lifestyle creep.

• Variable: Identify coffee, dining, and shopping habits.

3. Hunt for “Subscription Drift”: Check for recurring digital expenses (apps, streaming, memberships) that add up over time.

4. The “Time” Test: Weigh every variable purchase against your freedom of time. If the purchase doesn’t fit your life plan or buy you back time, cut it and redirect that cash to your HYSA (high yield savings account").

Meet Jeff Henry:

Jeff Henry is an award winning historian and tech & finance entrepreneur based in Los Angeles.

Getting his start in the tech c-suite, Jeff began working with tech founders and start-ups as an Angel Investor, and has been working to make personal finance information more widely available. He’s a dear friend of mine of course, and I bug him regularly on questions I have on finance, budgeting and investing- and he thankfully never hides the plug- and I’ve learn so much from him I thought I’d share with ya’ll.

Learn More on His Work Here.

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Travel has always been one of my deepest luxuries — not because of where I’ve gone, but because of how it widens my world.

From Brazil to Egypt to Switzerland to the South of France to Mayan Ruins and more, movement has been a teacher. It reminds you that your life is so much bigger than your routines, and that discovery often begins the moment you leave what’s familiar- even if it’s for 48 hours.

That shared ethos of being a global citizen is what drew me to Annette Richmond — founder of Fat Girls Traveling and Fat Camp — whose work has inspired me a great deal in my own life- and hundreds of thousands of women across the world as well.

When I asked Annette why she created Fat Girls Traveling, her answer was as practical as it was political.

“Size restrictions weren’t listed and figuring out the activity level and accessibility limitations took a lot of investigation.”

What began as a gap in representation quickly became a movement. “If my travel needs weren’t being met, I knew the same was true for my community, so I launched Fat Girls Traveling Tours.”

Today, her company blends accessibility and travel novelty, offering considered and curated group trips and custom travel planning that removes the anxiety so many plus size travelers have before boarding the flight.

That curation extends all the way to where to go.

Annette and the team at FGT have just unveiled their 2026 travel offerings—beautifully curated group trips designed for all sizes and all genders, with select experiences created specifically for plus-size travelers and others centered on women and femme-identified folks. Explore more.

Annette’s Moodboard + Picks for 2026:

Scotland

Edinburgh, Scotland is high on her list: “If you like architecture, history, and food add it to your list,” she says, noting that while there are stairs, the city is deeply rewarding.

FARO

Faro, Portugal was a surprise love — flat, affordable, and perfect for shoulder season. “The prices were incredible but the local seafood and wine were even better.”

BACALAR

And then there’s Bacalar, Mexico, her personal favorite for a retreat-style getaway: “Be prepared to relax because there’s not much to do besides enjoy the warm water and delicious food… if you enjoy kayaking, paddle boarding, or boat days, Bacalar is a must.”

Of course, traveling beautifully also means traveling wisely.

When I asked Annette for essentials, she was direct.

“Don’t bring your own seatbelt extender,” she warned. “If something happens, airlines aren’t liable because personal extenders aren’t FAA-approved. Always ask for one when you board.”

Obvious to some but not all (i’m in the “all category”) Annette says Comfort is non-negotiable: broken-in walking shoes, compression socks for long flights, and anti-chafe products like Megababe all make the list.

She also swears by Bev-ledge, a tray-table alternative for travelers whose bodies don’t fit airline design standards. “I can store my phone, drinks, and earplugs and enjoy my inflight meal comfortably.” It’s these kinds of details that turn stress into ease.

Annette’s travel philosophy is deeply shaped by her life abroad.

Based in Mexico for nearly five years after living in Asia, she’s embraced a slower, more grounded way of moving through the world.

“I prefer to call myself an immigrant instead of an expat,” she says. “They’re technically the same thing — one word is just more villainized and political.” Tropical weather, beach days, and yes, the occasional power outage have become part of her rhythm, and she’s currently working toward Mexican residency.

For her, travel isn’t something you do — it’s who you are.

And if you’re prone to being anxiety rattled when you think about going somewhere new, Annette has advice for that too. “Start walking today if you’re going on a vacation this year,” she suggests. “Vacations involve more movement than we think.”

She also encourages joining travel groups, asking questions, finding a friend — even if it’s someone you meet through a workshop, Bumble for Friends, or a local meetup once you arrive. “Getting your questions answered should help alleviate some of your anxiety.”

With Fat Girls Traveling’s Group Tours, Fat Camp and travel planning from Annette Richmond- this is your sign that the world is ready for you.

Until next time,
Aria

*This post was originally written and released by Aria Sa’id for The Curvy Fashionista

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Winter may feel quieter after the festive rush, but February’s calendar fills up fast with galas, dinners, and long brunches that suddenly call for something elevated again.

While sequins and chainmail have their place, what I reach for most is a beautifully cut evening jacket—the kind that instantly makes whatever you’re wearing feel intentional. It’s the easiest way to move from hibernation mode back into social season without feeling like you’re in costume.

I’ve been loving evening jackets styled with everyday pieces for a look I call casual opulence: a satin or silk trench over denim, a sharp dupioni blazer with a knit dress, or ornate jewelry layered over something deceptively simple.

Texture is where the magic happens—take a classic trench and remake it in silk-satin and suddenly it feels quietly decadent, modern, and just a little subversive.

Pamela Anderson’s recent red-carpet silk-satin trench moment, styled with gloves and statement sunglasses, has been living rent-free in my head for weeks.

For men, the evening jacket is just as versatile. Think satin bombers, tailored blazers with a silk lapel, or even subtle elbow patches that add a flash of intrigue.

These pieces are meant to be worn, not saved: a satin bomber with jeans and a white tee, or a silk-lapel blazer with your usual trousers, turns everyday dressing into something elevated without trying too hard.

*Affiliate Links: I want to be transparent about how I earn a living. My curated edits feature affiliate links, which allow me to retain a commission for creating and promoting my content, and items I love, sort of like a referral fee. Should you decide to purchase, the brand is responsible with sending me a small commission for plug and promotion. This of course, is at no additional cost to the consumer.

And if you want to push it? The street-style kids are pairing their fanciest tailoring with flip-flops—an extreme juxtaposition, but undeniably fun.

The options are honestly, endless.

An evening jacket over sweatpants, a roll-neck, and sneakers feels instantly chic, especially when paired with tousled hair and a big carry-all bag.

Worn over a slip dress or styled with denim and a heel, it becomes the backbone of a winter-to-spring wardrobe that moves easily between day and night.

The evening jacket isn’t just for special occasions—it’s the piece that makes everything else feel just a little more like me.

Evening Jacket Edit: Shop My Selections

Hidden Gems:

If you are a size small, and love a satin military green- this midi length trench is on sale for $45 at the rack.

I also spied that Nordstrom has their own satin trench on sale (up to size 16/18) at the moment.

I’ve added this Lanvin blazer to my own personal wishlist though I don’t think I’d ever fit it- it’s stunning.

For my male style clients, I really like what I’m seeing at H&M studio- this wool blazer and this velvet blazer are a vibe that you can carry for the rest of the winter (style with jeans and a crisp t-shirt for ultra casual vibes).

I know many people reserve this sorts of pieces for the festive season (Christmas, Hannukkah, New Year’s and so on) but I like to treat these more festive pieces as seasonal- and style them in my everyday life as much as I can.

With the weather currently, this is when you can really play with textures to an otherwise normal outfit.

Fit Notes:

In the pieces I’m wearing, I chose different sizing, which completely shifts the vibes opposite directions.

For example: the satin blazer I am wearing is 3 sizes larger than my usual size, which allowed me to have a bit of 80’s glamour with the shoulder details.

I really wanted a “my boyfriend’s evening jacket but better” kind of vibe and so glad it worked! I chose to cinch the waist with a cuban link belt for drama and shape/proportion so it didn’t overwhelm me - though I recently wore it with a lace skirt to a client dinner and loved it.

The trench coat is my usual size, which is also belted (my style signature). I am wearing a size 1, and I just love Cynthia Vincent’s approach to classic tailoring with BAACAL- it works out to be perfect for unisex styling.

I recently styled Amanda Shea in the trench for her upcoming tour and she is a size 4/6 and honestly she looked incredible- and I have a plus size male client here in Houston who also loved borrowing a trench from my collection. Don’t pay attention to the number on the label, but please do pay attention to fit and proportion and how you feel.

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Hello Lush Life Friends!

We’re back. That’s all. I’ve seen your notes and messages (thank you).

Take a peek into an average day in my life as a Freelance Strategist/Fundraiser/Consultant and as a Style Advisor for BAACAL.

*Affiliate Links: I want to be transparent about how I earn a living. My curated edits feature affiliate links, which allow me to retain a commission for creating and promoting my content, and items I love, sort of like a referral fee. Should you decide to purchase, the brand is responsible with sending me a small commission for plug and promotion. This of course, is at no additional cost to the consumer.

6:15am: I wake up. Yay! My alarm clock on my phone is classical music. (I use the “seedling” alarm sound on my iphone for a soft awakening).

Every Morning, without fail, I make my bed. If you know me personally, you know I’m incredibly neurotic about these sorts of things- which is why my house is always pristine. More on that another day.

6:30am: 2 shots of espresso. I’m dressed for the gym. Espresso gets me going and honestly making the switch so many years ago to an at home espresso machine means I rarely go to coffee shops- unless i’m traveling. I find I need that dose before working out.

6:45am: I work out at my home gym or Equinox.

Some days I work with my trainer (three times a week) and other days I’m solo.

When I work out with my trainer: We do a lot of pilates-inspired stretching, and warm ups that focus on my coordination and balance and of course, strength training. dumbbell and kettlebell workouts, and focus on mobility, flexibility and my core.

We also do a lot of TRX exercises. I respond best to total body workouts- workouts that target multiple areas at the same time.

We also do all my trainings in circuit. 20-30 reps depending on the weight, 4-5 cycles.

For when I’m flying solo: I utilize split resistance training so I can track my improvements- because my trainer switches things up constantly which allows me more variety when working out.

Right now I’ve been focused on core tightening and sculpting my thighs- so it’s a lot of resistance bands, squats, planks, lunges, sit ups and crunches with kettlebells. I alternate between 3-4 workout regiments from my previous sessions with my trainer so I’m never bored.

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I always do about 45 minutes to an hour of warm ups and strength training, followed by cardio. I’m known to overdo it on cardio but I find I really love cardio because I don’t have to actively think.

I just turn on my music and I’m holding my own personal concert.

During October/November and I had a client suddenly cancel my contract due to them running out of grant funding- and fell into a bit of a depression. I gained 16 pounds back- so Esteban and I have been a little more aggressive in my approach to strength training lately. To be clear- gaining weight back doesn’t bother me- but now I can’t zip up most of my clothes and I’m not buying a whole new wardrobe. LOL.

Since doing this regiment at the time of writing this, I am nearly back to where I am most comfortable.

I always do 1-3 miles of high intensity cardio- I love a really high incline so every 5 minutes I shift the incline more and more- I start at 5 and spend the 45 minutes working my way up to 15, and then start my cool down.

9am: I am usually back home by 9am. I shower- I have a walk in shower and a giant soaking bathtub but I’ve only ever used the soaking tub twice- once when i had covid, and the other when i was so sore I couldn’t move from working out (this is why I do A LOT of pre-strength training stretching). Such a shame. Tsk tsk.

9:30/9:45: I am getting ready. I do confess I love long showers after a workout. I am getting ready for the day- which differs if I have meetings in Houston and errands or if i’m just working from home.

today is a work from home day, so I focus on skincare.

10am: I have my vitamins and protein shake. I wish I was the girl that used a blender for everything but I’m not.

At the beginning of my fitness journey I bought a beautiful blender and sadly rarely use it.

10:30am: I read articles from Vogue, Harvard Business Review, browse around Inside Philanthropy here and there or read what I actually love reading- be it a book I’m reading or substack articles I bookmarked for later.

In between, I eyeball my calendar and check emails and review my to do lists- I have a journal of to do lists and i have my notes app on my iphone- I am someone who lives with to do lists. i also have post it’s around the office that often need to be addressed- like “GIVE 1099s TO ACCOUNTANT” or “Follow Up with So and So on Linkedin” etc.

12:00pm: Most of my clients are on the West Coast or the East Coast.

I have standing meetings with my East Coast Clients from 12-2pm CST, where we do overviews of their fundraising strategic plan and i advise them on soliciting major donors or a grant application they are submitting.

It’s also a chance for me to get a sense of what’s happening in their world and in their work- and supporting them in that.

Sometimes it’s infrastructure issues within the organization- there’s never enough staff for a thing or there’s interpersonal dynamics impacting teams. And sometimes there’s no issues in house that are alarm worthy but environmental- like whatever is happening in their world and how it’s impacting them in their own lives and how they might show up in spite of that.

2:00pm: Lunch- which is breakfast for most people. Today is Crispy Salmon and a savory cottage cheese bowl with mixed vegetables.

I like to add pumpkin seeds and sun dried tomato’s and olive oil to the cottage cheese- and seasoning and “everything but the bagel seasoning” to make it more bearable.

I really would like a 2 piece fried chicken and a pepper from Frenchy’s in Third Ward but I remind myself of my goals.

2:30pm: Next on the docket, I am providing coaching to a lovely Executive Director.

I started coaching year before last by accident and now some of my clients engage me for coaching. I wasn’t sure I was qualified but thank goodness I have 10 years of nonprofit leadership in my toolbox- a lot of it feels like being the wisened owl and supporting someone like my client who is surviving her first year as an Executive Director.

This month we’ve been tackling “identity politics”- and how some of the staff from more marginalized communities have a tendency to abstain from work assignments or don’t fulfill them, citing identity as a justification.

Having run sex worker led programs and trans led organizations, I know this all too well.

“Based on everything that has transpired with this person the past 8 months, I’m just going to state the obvious: you need to terminate employment” - I say, matter of fact. I know this experience too well, unfortunately.

“I know but how do you know. Like I know, but” - she says.

She’s been sorting this out for months.

“Look I know we never want to be the villain. We never want to be an agent of trauma in someone’s life- and sadly they’ll probably remember it for the rest of their lives.

It’s awful. But your organization isn’t there to subsidize their lives- even in social justice, everything is transactional, we can’t dance around that. I’m paying thousands of dollars a year in exchange for a can do attitude and essential job functions being met. In exchange you get a paycheck and benefits and PTO and retirement plans.

At the end of the day… i don’t care if we say things like ‘let’s hold space’ - it is very much a job. and they are going to villainize you- trust me. but who gets fired and tells everybody the whole timelines? nobody. they’re going to tell everyone they are an innocent lamb that’s being singled out - and you have to accept that. and with social media it’s worst because you cannot say anything remotely related to their employment per California law. But- you have an organization to run with competing priorities and very limited resources. And the work isn’t being done so now you’re doing it in addition to your job. And it’s impacting staff morale. It’s time”. - I say.

This is sadly bringing up so much for me.

“I know. You’re Right” - my client says.

3:30pm: My 2:30 finishes up early in spite of a deeper than expected heart to heart. The conversation we had on the complicated realities of leading peer led organizations brings up so much for me- the good- like things I miss (i used to have an entire team of queer and trans people from all different backgrounds, walks of life and sensibilities and I miss that camaraderie a lot); but it also brings up deep sadness, with how much I hated my previous role.

A bit of a dance break and a snack.

My guilty pleasure these days are jalapeño cashews mixed with unsalted walnuts and macadamia nuts. because i follow ketogenic low glycemic diet i can’t eat high doses of carbs - so i have to get my energy from fats.

when i have my client meetings, i always have jazz playing- in this case it’s Miles Davis’ final studio album.

4:30pm: I’m switching gears and feeling excited.

It’s my design meeting with Cynthia Vincent and the BAACAL team where we overview the pending collection for the next season and discus production, marketing, etc.

I basically get to cosplay as Andre Leon Talley and discuss with Cynthia what I think will sell out versus what will need to be pushed to get past wavering consumer confidence.

It’s a culmination of insights and data points- from what’s trending on socials that will be easier to scale to say millennial or gen z, and what we’re seeing our boomers and gen x clientele gravitating towards. A lot of it is data informed but most of it is intuitive- and thankfully most times we’re right and sometimes we’re wrong.

Being a small, atelier focused brand producing everything in house, today’s meeting is a lot of back and forth between her and i on fabrics.

“i think it should be silk, honestly”- i say, squinting at the zoomed in screen share of the sketches and fabric swatches.

“the issue we’re constantly running into is keeping things more accessibly priced especially with tariffs. Remember silks are running around $50-70 a yard right now, plus import fees”, Cynthia says. She’s focusing on more finely milled cottons from family owned mills this season as they tend to allow the price structure to be more accessible- and the fabrication is lovely in a way that feels opulent but incredibly wearable for most of our clients.

Next we move on to PR and relationships i’ve been managing.

We’re announcing some key new partnerships I’ve been working Cynthia and Diana on, new launches that support the brands’ sustainability ethos and expanding brand discovery.

In this moment, I’m thankful that this is my reality.

Stressing out over fabric selections and sales is a far different experience than planning your former beloved assistant’s funeral, or dealing with op-ed’s in the press bashing you for a move you made or a thing you said or what have you.

We move on to reviewing the fit samples- with the ongoing ICE raids, a lot of our fabric cutters have been sadly deported - many of whom have been in the garment worker industry for 30+ years, colleagues Cynthia has known since her days starting brands like VINCE.

I don’t live in Los Angeles, so I am not directly impacted but I can see the hurt in Cynthia’s eyes- and it’s a gut punch because she herself leads a small brand and there’s always a pressure to produce, produce, produce.

Most customers only come back around when something new has released- so there’s an ongoing pressure to keep releasing new, which means the team has been tasked with finding new fabric cutters and garment workers to work with in the studio- actively, while wondering how people you’ve worked alongside for 20-30 years are faring and where they might be.

I try to add levity to our meeting by bringing up the drama happening in the plus size fashion space- in this instance, Samyra has gone viral for calling out fast fashion brands for discontinuing size inclusion offerings. Apparently Cardi B made fatphobic comments on the creators videos which have since gone viral.

“Wait, I think I know who you’re talking about!! Oh no! Should we send her a PR box”, Cynthia asks whilst pinning needles into a working dress sample on a dress form.

“I’ve already reached out 4 times through her directly and her team but from her team’s response I think a lot of her content strategy is more click bait focused. Not in a bad way, just in a way that you’re able to scale your content to more views and engagement with controversy than you are with PR. Naturally I don’t think she’d feature a smaller brand without a giant payment so she’s looking to fast fashion brands to sustain her work”, I say.

A reality we contend with is when you’re a small brand without a marketing budget, it’s incredibly difficult to retain content creators who are full time or have enough of a reach to bolster a sense of brand discovery.

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During my time with BAACAL, I’ve pivoted us to micro creators who are talented and emerging and we’ve built a beautiful community in doing so. It feels a bit more authentic and BAACAL’s clients have responded well but it does mean we’re limited in reach at certain times.

Cynthia sighs, and starts folding the fabric of the hem of the dress, with a needle in her teeth as she is multi tasking during our meeting.

“How do you feel about knife pleats”, she asks, scribbling numbers into her note pads.

I love seeing an artist at work in her studio.

LOVE.

6:30pm: My last meeting of the day!

My client is based back home in San Francisco, and is a major donor who I advise on where to prioritize giving their family’s money to.

Today’s meeting is reviewing organizations led by and for people living with disabilities- and we’ve been doing our due diligence to find specific causes that are working towards empowerment and community building in ways that feel transformative in some way.

After a month of stakeholder interviews and meeting with leaders in this genre of social change making, the family is ecstatic to review the proposed organizations for funding.

While I can’t say more due to confidentiality - what I can say is I adore working with this donor in particular because they are actively involved in social justice themselves.

They just get it- and often when they don’t know, they ask “hey aria, what would you say are the biggest hurdles for small organizations right now”.

“I would say multi year support was a challenge when I was leading TAJA’s Coalition. The smaller your annual budget, the more and more difficult it is to find more stable funding. You’re literally always chasing rapid response grant here, small one time grants for $1k there and while they add up- it’s an oxymoron- it’s more work and more bandwidth but you don’t yet have the staffing power or the resources to hire a consultant like me or a grant writer”. I say.

The family agrees, and votes to provide each grantee a 3 year, multi year grant award.

These are the moments that feel special. I’ve worked with donors who aren’t connected- they mean well, and they donate, but they have no ideas how systems work in the nonprofit space.

This donor and their family spent months of their own time researching leaders and organizations, and hiring folks from community to explain where the gaps are.

I just happen to be around being a former executive director so I bring that lense to our work but nights like these make me smile.

It’s exactly the work I’ve worked so hard over all these years- with all the projects I’ve built, to do this in much more transformative ways.

8:15pm: Finally dinner! It’s super simple since I can’t cook- I buy these really bougie pre made meals from Central Market (basically Houston’s version of Erewhon but it’s right by my house). Having grilled hanger steak and roasted broccoli and cauliflower.

I turn on Emily in Paris, committed to finishing my marathon before the season finale goes live.

As Emily in Paris plays and my attention wanes, I download instagram again on my phone (I regularly delete the app off of my phone and download it every other day and then delete it again. rinse. repeat. I hate - detest- mindless scrolling. I am after all a control freak).

And as always, at a certain point, I believe I had forgotten something on my task list.

I check my email one last time- reviewing tomorrow’s calendar:

• a client I meet with once every 2 weeks has me in a 2 hour planning meeting- we’re planning a dinner party in San Francisco for their major donors.. and then I have

• a meeting with a new size inclusive pop up store in New York to discuss event planning and PR for New York Fashion Week and how we can advance their sales goals,

• followed by in-person dinner with one of my sheroes (also a client) who runs a grassroots organization here in Houston to check in on the public policy issues she’s navigating at the state capitol.

with a docket full of to do lists, and annoying emails about self employment insurance premiums and an accountant to respond to with certain items, i’ve decided to call it a night.

10:30pm: I take my daily estrogen pills and anti-anxiety medications which help me go to sleep.

since the pandemic i haven’t been able to sleep without them.

i will literally stare at the ceiling until 6am. it’s also partly because of a ketogenic diet- you get all this energy from no where which is why so many people struggle to keep it going.

My phone rings- it’s Giselle with our daily check in on facetime.

I say hiiii to Cathy (the puppy) and we banter about our days- she’s planning a giant showcase of black trans artists for her theater company and there’s been drama with the host theater.

we kiki while i mute emily in paris with subtitles so i don’t lose the plot.

11:30pm: I start dozing off on the couch, which is my sign to retire to my chambers.

Nite Nite!

Hiiiii, it’s nice to meet you (if you’re new around here):

About Me, according to me: introverts and homebodies will probably enjoy it here. style is life. intj, double scorpio, aquarius moon.

About Me according to my publicist:

Aria Sa’id is an award winning multi-hyphenate: Stylist, Creative Director, Writer, and globally recognized strategist at the intersection of fashion, body positivity, philanthropy, and social change.

Based in Houston, Texas by way of San Francisco, she is sought after as a donor advisor and fundraising + strategic communications consultant, having raised over $25M for LGBTQ+ causes and co-founded and led The Transgender District, the first legally recognized cultural district of its kind in the world.

Her work has been featured in Forbes, Vogue, CNN, Harper’s Bazaar, OUT, Refinery29, Good Morning America, and more.

In fashion and luxury e-commerce, she has served as a Brand Ambassador for multi national brands including Sephora, Airbnb, BAACAL, Uber, Alaska Airlines, The Ordinary Skincare, Levi’s, Eloquii, Torrid, Universal Standard, Ilia Beauty, Youth To The People, Tindr, and more.

As a stylist & image consultant, She has styled public figures, tech moguls, world leaders, and campaigns with an eye toward inclusive, transformative image-making. Her work has appeared at New York Fashion Week, Marie Claire Mag, Vogue.Com and Discovery Channel.

Ms. Sa’id began her work in public service with Habitat for Humanity and a summer internship at The White House, interning directly under President Bush’s Chief of Protocol Becky Pitts inspired her to commit her formative career to advocating for change. With nearly two decades of experience spanning political strategy, nonprofit executive leadership, government affairs, public policy, and philanthropy, Aria has since championed and co-wrote over 10 legislative policies advancing protections for transgender people, incarcerated communities, and those experiencing homelessness.

Among her innumerable achievements, she notably founded, led and scaled three nonprofits to multi-million dollar operations, created national initiatives like the first Entrepreneurship Accelerator for Trans people, and created and led the country’s largest Guaranteed Income pilot for trans communities. Ms. Sa’id also created the world’s first large scale trans music festival - headlining transgender musicians and performers/songwriters and composers and created a multi-year residency for trans people in the classical music genre.

Today, Aria leads Aria Sa’id & Associates, supporting organizations in strategy, organizational development, strategic communications, fundraising, and event production.

She is a former Committee Chair for the Board of the Women’s Foundation of California, is a Rosenberg Foundation Leading Edge Fellowship and Columbia University/Auburn Seminary Fellowship alum, and has been honored by leaders including Vice President Kamala Harris, Governor Gavin Newsom, HM King Willem-Alexander and Queen Maxima of The Netherlands, Speaker Nancy Pelosi, King Tupou VI of TONGA, the California Legislature, and numerous elected officials across the United States for her trailblazing contributions.

She is the youngest Black trans woman to receive resolutions from the Governor and California Legislature for her groundbreaking advocacy for transgender economic empowerment.

For Bookings/Inquiries: Please contact Grace at mgmt@ariasaid.com

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Hello Darlings,

It’s Monday- and true to form for me, has been the belief that Power Dressing- the ultimate boss move, can take you where you need to go. It’s been my secret weapon after all these years- and it’s neglected by most.

I recently requested a contract re-negotiation of my freelance rates. I was booked at a time when work was scarce, so I lowered my rates- as any freelancer does. “Some money is better than no money at all”.

And that’s the thing about discounted labor- the more you discount- the more you’re expected to perform at the high levels you established- for much, much less.

Anywho- I learned a valuable lesson: Because I spent the last few months working from home, I apparently was letting things “slip”.

I went from curling my hair and doing my makeup for the day to sit in back to back meetings in my home office- to slinging my hair in a ponytail and wearing my silk robe for meetings- or my infamous turbans, as I had began to show up to our meetings straight from the shower after my extended strength training and bootcamp gym classes.

“It just feels like you’re not fully present”, the Executive Director lamented in our zoom call. “You’ve been showing up in your pajamas”.

And in my defense, I don’t own any sweatpants or hoodies or jeans or t-shirts- I am far from a “casual” dresser- the reality was they weren’t wrong. I had began to let my guard slip, but my clients- who do in fact pay me, weren’t getting what they paid for.

50% of any job, truly, is showing up.

You can be the brightest and most brilliant in the room- but if you’re not showing up appropriately, all is lost, and that talent is quickly forgotten.

And if you’re a freelancer, like me- you know all too well that you’re not just selling and bartering your services, your expertise, your ideas and strategies.

You, yes YOU, are also the product.

In an oversaturated marketplace, filled with seasoned consultants with entire firms and corporate contracts older than me- and solopreneurs fresh from receiving their pink slips but a rolodex a mile long- I pride myself on having been successful this long, because I dress the part.

Would you take YOU seriously?

Real Estate Agents, (a perfect example) I’ve learned and observed, have this notion baked into their work a great deal- because they are not just selling the home itself.

The truth with any industry, and any product- be it bartered talent or selling dresses on instagram- or the sale of someone’s first home: If it were just about the house, they would drive up to meet you in a 1996 Oldsmobile or Crown Victoria with a donut tire. *shudders in bougie*

But would you trust that agent to curate properties for you with that visual?

No. And you’re a bold face lie if you say otherwise. ;)

You may think being the scrappy activist is serving you- and it just might in that setting and at the Creating Change conference circuit- but is a funder entrusting millions from their family’s trust in hopes that you solve complex social issues impacting hundreds of thousands of people?

You might be an Executive Director of a mission drive cause that is affecting real change and in real time- but you can’t forget that your donors and funding partners are in fact, your share holders. Your community members and constituents are your Board of Directors. You aren’t just addressing disparity darling, you are selling that you and your teams and your projects can help solve a problem. Don’t forget that.

and in many circles, that aesthetic is more commercially appealing.

If you don’t know, I came up in San Francisco’s political scene and dressing up has the opposite effect.

The more I dressed up, the more critiqued publicly and in the press I became.

My peers, in their collegiate hoodies and vintage Levi’s or acid washed cargo pants were seen as more “about the people” than I, and more trusted to save the world. LOL- who knows if that’s true- but that’s the unique nuance about the concept of power dressing- you have to adapt it for the environment you are in.

Consider your environment as you assess how to power dress.

My own saving grace was that I was gifted in my ability to raise money, a surprisingly rare talent in nonprofit spaces. While I could never assuage my biggest critics, I was able to assure dozens of major donors and stakeholders in government and philanthropy that I had the team, the vision, the strategy and the resources to address complex social issues- and that my friends, is how I raised over $25 million for charities. A big component of that?

POWER DRESSING.

All I’m saying is, experts have to look like experts. If you want people to hear your thoughts and be a thought leader- do you actually look like one?

There’s a time and a place for everything. When I used to run drop-in centers or Thanksgiving Dinners at Glide Memorial for folks in deep crisis and homelessness-

I wouldn’t dare wearing my custom evening gowns (though when I did, my case mangement clients appreciated the glamour. That’s the beauty of being trans I daresay, is we appreciate those touches of glamour even when we don’t have two nickels to rub together. I love us).

But it would be inconsiderate of me- when someone is down on their luck, to show up in my Dries Van Noten runway pieces. I wore jeans a tshirt, and that made sense for that environment.

But I will say, when leading a cultural district- that my community members who knew how to access my office came directly to me to help them fight the housing authority on their Section 8 revokation or SSI denial letters and appeal processes- because I looked like I had my wits about them. (Even if my mental health hung by a thin thread).

There’s something to be said about nonverbally communicating that you have your shit together enough to help someone when they’re in need vs. looking like life has ran through you hedges on the back of a go cart.

No one is trusting the latter to help them fight an eviction when the Sheriff’s Department has placed the Unlawful Detainer on the door, I assure you.

And if you’re on the grind, constantly showing up- but not moving things along- consider that while you may be showing up in all the right ways- perhaps “how” you’re showing up (even for zoom meetings!) is impacting your ability to grow.

Whether you’re looking to be promoted or transfer departments- or you’re freelance- or beginning to pursue more front facing opportunities in your sector- consider the reality that how we show up, beyond vanity, informs people of who we are, what we’re trying to achieve, and how far we’d like to go.

In a gig economy universe (as of 2024, over 45% of taxpayers are now 1099 “gig economy” laborers as opposed to 22% in 2020!!!!!!! as the world shifts from salaried with benefits and union protections and moves to freelance, gig economy workforce labor and contract labor- don’t forget YOU are the product!!!!).

And regarding that renegotiation: I decided to take that “L” (loss) and continue showing up- and it was an expensive lesson for me to remember. No matter the job, don’t get too comfortable ya’ll. I knew better, and have historically always shown up as my best self- I don’t know why I let my own rules fall by the wayside. In fact, I argue- showing up in a virtual workplace is 10x harder than in a standard office environment.

I rest my case, your honors.

-Aria

Tune In. Instagram | LinkedIn

*Affiliate Links: I want to be transparent about how I earn a living. My curated edits feature affiliate links, which allow me to retain a commission for creating and promoting my content, and items I love, sort of like a referral fee. Should you decide to purchase, the brand is responsible with sending me a small commission for plug and promotion. This of course, is at no additional cost to the consumer.

NEW YORK FASHION WEEK

Fashion Writer + Style Maven Katie Bradshaw ( @thekatiebradshaw ) in archival BAACAL ( @baacalofficial ) for New York Fashion Week 2025.

Curated by Aria Sa’id for BAACAL, for Katie’s appearances at New York Fashion Week for V Magazine

📸 : @lilyjane.photo

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In my creative work with Lush Life and BAACAL, I wanted to challenge the idea of fashion as frivolity.

It’s been a constant message I’ve received my entire career- often in many rooms, I struggled to be taken seriously because of my love for it. And yet, at 400 pounds, I knew all too intimately how my body was perceived by people.

How one small misstep, say a squirt of mustard on my blouse, could instantly provoke confirmation bias that fat people are sloppy, lazy, unclean- and all the nonverbal messages I would often receive.

Of course, the decision- whether I like it or not- to have now lost 200 pounds has reopened wounds from my past.

At my previous size, I was labeled the “ice queen”- this villain flitting about in silk dresses with a maniacal laugh- partly because the American fantasy of fat people is that we be lighthearted and jovial. That we be passive. But as a Black Trans Woman has boundaries, is self assured and of an evolved mind, is assertive, and can read and write in 3 languages- and you’re fat? Good gracious, you must be an evil queen (Now I’m probably really an ice queen! HA!!)

These double standards would reveal itself in my interpersonal relationships- and my intimate relationships- where the men in my life felt that I should feel lucky to be with them, considering my size. (You must not know ARIA SA’ID darling! HA! ). And they would show up in my work- in rooms where people often I thought I was the assistant- not the CEO. Or in community, “Why Her?” was always a thing- especially because of my size. The threads on facebook citing that I looked like Planet of the Apes comes to mind, even today.

While I didn’t grow up being plus sized, I learned in my mid 20’s just how slippery slope politics and double standards play when you visually don’t “conform” to the spectrum of desirability that is pushed onto us.

While so many in the body positivity space have sent messages and DM’s (you’re not one of us anymore! stop taking up space) and so on- my message has always- both then, and now, since day 1- to promote the sanctity of our bodies as we are, in the present. And more broadly- that no one- not one institution or person- can have a property right to our bodies. Body Autonomy is the highest freedom we can have. And we have the human right to decide how to exist.

And we deserve to exist, in all of our various forms.

Even so, I have maintained a desire to still inspire plus size women in my life, to enjoy getting dressed.

In a world with too many negative messages, too emboldened, with too much gaslighting that says how we should exist- and apparently, how fat folks are existing in the wrong way- I have long desired to see a shift.

I actually loved my body, deeply- and sometimes prefer it as opposed to who I am now. And I loved getting dressed.

And I wanted women to love getting dressed just as much as I did.

With the label of frivolity ruminating in my brain, ever so often as former colleagues or associates making jabs at my more recent work as “vain”, “shallow” (i suppose I am all those things too!)- I wanted to explore this idea of power dressing, for the gladiator.

Social Change Leaders are arguably or closest representation to the concept of warriors. More and more people are turning and plugging into advocates and activists who are working to solve the world’s complex social issues- as doom scrolling and the feeling of being “immobilized” by news headlines and constant updates from corners around the world continue to grow.

These gladiators have to be both charming, and approachable. Of the people, but able to code switch to appease and appeal to the wealthy (donors). Too ostentatious and you lose public trust- but too meager and people question your legitimacy.

Let’s be real- no one likes to be panhandled- otherwise our homeless siblings would finally have stable housing from panhandling.

The reality people often forget is that 70% of communication is nonverbal. And humans are very visual creatures. And even your most forward thinking, progressive folks? They’re judgmental AF.

Nevertheless, my question is: What do the Gladiators Wear?

In today’s post, they are wearing BAACAL, who has lovingly sponsored this post with my friends at MASTO FOUNDATION and Forward Global- who understood my vision of storytelling and amplifying the voices of women in unique ways.

Thank you all for supporting my work.

Styling Marnina for her collaboration with the United States Conference on HIV/AIDS (USCHA).

Marnina is wearing the REMY Dress. Aria is wearing the MIA Shirt Dress.

*Sponsored Content: Today’s musing is lovingly sponsored by BAACAL, a beautiful brand helmed by noted fashion designer, Cynthia Vincent.

BAACAL is an ethically focused and sustainability contemporary designer providing you with luxury apparel in mid size and plus sizes. Independent, woman of color led and operated, and all pieces are hand stitched, sewn and cut in their studio in Los Angeles.

Aria is also a Style Advisor with the brand, so you’ll see stylings and musings from me ever so often for sartorial options for my mid-size and plus size subscribers seeking lovely forever pieces for their closet.

MASTO FOUNDATION ‘s Trust Black Women Initiative and Forward Global’s Women of Power + Influence Fund have provided generous sponsorship to my nonprofit arts/empowerment project, to support the creation of content that amplifies the voices of women and trans folks in meaningful and transformative ways. Learn More on my website.

Jessica Nowlan is Reimagining Freedom For All Women

I was incredibly fortunate to visit Jessica Nowlan ‘s home to chat Reimagine Freedom and the power of collective organizing, with formerly and currently incarcerated women and girls at the center of her work towards decarceration and Reimagine Freedom’s mandate to expand our framework of what freedom is, for our system impacted communities.

Video: Jessica defines her sense of purpose, with Reimagine Freedom and their freedom charter.

Reimagine Freedom.

Styled in BAACAL - i wanted to explore visually what it means to dress a gladiator. what does gladiators wear in their day to day lives as they work to solve and contend with complex systems and social issues impacting our folks?

Thank you Jessica for being such an endearing light for women across the country.

I’m honored you let me come to your home and always amazed at the vision of freedom you have for all of us.

All the ways you show up for our folks.

I’m a huge fan and THANK YOU!!!

Marnina is Advocating for Thousands of Women Living With HIV Across North America

Marnina shared her journey of self discovery: the joy and resilience it takes to love the skin we’re in- beneath the clothes. Highlighting her journey of accepting her HIV diagnosis in her late teens, early 20’s - and embracing her queerness gave her the confidence to use her voice to advocate for women who are often overlooked, even in HIV/AIDS Advocacy and Awareness.

I had the chance to style Marnina and film her in my home here in Houston, and it meant a lot to me that she would be willing to share her journey.

Both Jessica and Marnina shared their journeys navigating great triumph in their public service work- and the common thread was how often it’s fueled by our own trauma, which then becomes a call to action to ourselves to stand up and fight.

This month, I hope you feel inspired by these women’s stories as much as I do.

Marnina on celebrating her body: When I began to decolonize my mind, is when I started to celebrate my body.

Thank you ladies!!!!!

Be sure to learn more about their projects!

Reimagine Freedom

Positive Women’s Network USA

Until next time! - ARIA

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Hello Lush Life friends-

I’ve been in the lab, creating. In that process, I began to have a since of nostalgia for my pre-teen years (why, I have no idea)- but I was reflecting on how important my sense of personal style was for me, even back then.

If you remember me from my junior high school days at St. Andrew’s Nativity, always in detention and completing JUG (jesuit school detention activities, like scrubbing the cathedral floors with a tooth brush or deep cleaning the mess hall after school- all because of my “cross dressing” and uniform violations), then you’ll know once upon a time, a very young Aria loved black lipstick and silver chains dangling from my messenger bag with graphic pins and bag charms on my weathered school bag.

I was a “Goth Kid” up until my sophomore year of high school (shocking)- but all my friends were the emo punks and goth kids who embraced me when no one else did, so naturally, I adapted to my friend group.

It feels so different from my sense of style now, as a woman in her mid 30’s- but in a strangely, in my obsession with color, prints, and patterns- it almost feels synonymous with my “goth” era. Any rebellion against what society deems as “respectable”, I think is the through line.

Prints and colors are a rebellion (if worn year round), because they are seen as “vulgar” or “too loud”, especially when worn on women of color- add to that my blonde tresses. High society goes wild when they see me.

The Modern Goth, in my view, has that same rebellion. A pushback against the standards and rules set by the society that is constantly asking us to edit ourselves for palatability. “Wear More Color” or “Why are you wearing Black in the summer”, and all the microcosms that happen when we know or see someone who doesn’t share our own worldview when it comes to clothes.

Of course, I am all in for color.

But I know some of you lovelies (who probably follow me more so for the rebellion streak than my fashion ephemera), are diehard dark romantics. This edit, is for you :)

Today’s post is sponsored by BAACAL.

In addition to my other projects, I work with Cynthia Vincent and her team as a Style Advisor and feel fortunate to work with such a beautiful community of women and femmes in finding their voice, their sense of style in the offerings from the brand.

It’s made my heart pitter patter, and frankly, I’m just glad that Cynthia and her team (Grace + Mica + Adriana) all put up with my neurotic obsessions and unsolicited ideas. Thank you BAACAL Babes!

Notes on My Content Offerings:

Today’s musings feature a curated edit of designer fashion offerings from BAACAL exclusively for plus sizes.

Most of my audience on the internet (surprisingly) are straight sized women (women who are sizes 00-12 and about 74% of you all fall into that category according to Google Analytics)- but a few plus size babes here and there ask me to style them.

I also have a growing audience of men (surprising!) with one of my Lush Life subscribers enlisting me to style them and overhaul their existing wardrobe (I’m so excited- I love styling men, and rarely get the opportunity to!). All this to say, I try to balance my content offerings and musings to appease as many as I can.

If you are not plus size, you may not be aware of the landscape in fashion and retail, and just how difficult it is to find clothing and accessories that fit plus size bodies.

Even more scarce- are designers who maintain a commitment to expert craftsmanship and a sustainability ethos.

Ordinarily I try to curate edits to satiate as many of you who faithfully read as best I can (and will continue to!).

Today’s post- in terms of apparel, is exclusively plus sizes. I promise to create more varied offerings in the future.

Thank you so much for reading anyway :)

*Affiliate Links: I want to be transparent about how I earn a living. My curated edits feature affiliate links, which allow me to retain a commission for creating and promoting my content, and items I love, sort of like a referral fee. Should you decide to purchase, the brand is responsible with sending me a small commission for plug and promotion. This of course, is at no additional cost to the consumer.

*Sponsored Content: Today’s newsletter is lovingly sponsored by BAACAL, a beautiful brand helmed by noted fashion designer, Cynthia Vincent. BAACAL is an ethically focused and sustainability contemporary designer providing you with luxury apparel in mid size and plus sizes. Independent, woman of color led and operated, and all pieces are hand stitched, sewn and cut in their studio in Los Angeles.

Consider becoming a paid monthly subscriber or “Buy Me A Coffee”.

Thank you loves for supporting! :)

Subscribe now

Give this musing a HEART, and it signals to the algorithm gods that it’s worth clicking. and thank you lovelies for hanging!

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Mary, you in danger girl.

Let me tell you a story about Miss Mary. Miss Mary, in 1848 New York City, darling.

Miss Mary Jones, specifically.

She was a beautiful girl, always wearing the tightest corsets and perfectly polished mary jane’s around town.

Almond shaped eyes.

Just a bit of rouge on her lip.

But there’s a secret about Mary that only men had discovered: Mary was a pre-op transgender woman in the 1800s.

The concubine to Manhattan’s elite, men would throw back their absinthe with both awe and fear- afraid of one day being exposed for having had relations with such an intriguing creature.

You see, Mary was a slick escort darling.

She’d bat her eyelashes, swivel her bustle down the walk way, mesmerizing enamored men into her apartment.

“Cash Upfront”, she’d say, and men just simply couldn’t resist.

Urban legend has it amongst trans woman that she invented herself a removable vagina.

Fashioned from cow skin, legend has it that she wore it as one would a “strap on”. This allowed her to code switch through the world, able to earn a living from the pocketbooks of drunk men in speakeasy’s and taverns in town.

But whether that notion is urban legend or not, Mary was also known for sticky fingers.

“Who is going to check me, darling?!?!?!”, she’d say as she gently lifted wallets and pocket watches and slide them into her bosom.

Except, this day, she messed with the wrong one.

You see all the other johns were too afraid of what the police would say- questioning why they were with her in the first place.

But not this one. He was infuriated.

From what we know, it wasn’t her trans status that he was offended by, as he did have relations with her.

It was her petty theft that incensed him. A police report filing later, Mary was arrested.

*****************

Chileee, the streets were GAGGING.

How could this beautiful woman walk amongst us, and we not know that underneath the lace and petticoat was a MAN MONSTER.

Arrested, Mary would await trial.

The courtroom was packed- the curious, the intrigued, sat studying her intensely. The media of the day, was mesmerized.

How could this be?

How on earth does someone like this exist?

The court of public opinion was set, forcing her to deny her identity as a trans woman.

The courts and law enforcement would make an example of her, so that this would never happen again.

Mary, became known as “Peter Sewally” in the media, having gone viral throughout the Mid-Atlantic and New England region; New York City had in fact, discovered and exposed a trans woman.

She was front page of the New York Times and the New York Herald.

She probably had no idea, that one day her life would change, by simply doing what she had already been doing for years before.

Except this time, over 175 years later- we’re still hearing that there is just something about Mary.

To learn and gleam more on Mary Jones, and her court trial in 1848- please read the NY Archives Journal here.

Aria’s Musings on LGBT Pride Month

My Lush Life darlings, Happy LGBT Pride Month!

We often reference Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera or Storme Daniels in our discourse of LGBT Pride Month, but I’m always intrigued by the accidental icons- the trans folks in the 1600’s- 1800’s, the Black trans women during the era of Slavery in the United States.

They are my icons, these women who probably never anticipated being known for their transness, yet had it weaponized against them. Imagine being your most authentic self in a timeline and an era where the language didn’t exist?!

I often think of the trans men and trans women who were committed to mental asylums against their will pre 1960’s.

While visibility hasn’t saved us and from data- hasn’t improved our lives in any way of significance than before visibility, whether people like it or not, they can no longer hide the lived experiences of trans people from public view.

This will ruffle feathers, but in a strange and interesting way, Trump has increased the visibility of trans lives tenfold from when I transitioned in high school, at a time when no one knew what the word “transgender” meant.

I imagine the more he and his right wing colleagues use anti- trans rhetoric and subjugation to maintain support from their constituents, so then are those constituents also forced to contend and accept that we breathe.

I think of Lucy Hicks Anderson, Sir Lady Java, Pauli Murray and their struggle with accepting their trans-ness in a time where they could be ostracized from community.

I also think of my queer heroes- Alice Walker or James Baldwin or Bayard Rustin.

I think of how in history, blackness and queerness leads revolutions- but because of homophobia and transphobia, those parts of ourselves are often sanitized and erased from the history books.

Malcom X and his transsexual girlfriend.

And countless voices and lives and stories of becoming we don’t know about.

Imagine an entire population hiding, in plain sight for fear of persecution.

That’s it for now.

Until next time,

Aria

ICYMI + MORE TO READ:

Hello Lush Life friends!

In a landscape where the fight for progress feels like it’s faltered, and authoritarianism has all but become embraced as a new way of life for us in this country, it’s important that we shout our stories from the rooftops, as much as we can.

Think, while it’s still legal.

I recently asked a friend, the incomparable C Michael Robinson, if he would lend his voice and his journey of self actualization, to Lush Life.

He certainly doesn’t need my help in any way- but I want more people in my neck of the woods to know him.

He is, and will continue to be, a voice of the people to watch in the years to come.

I met C Michael on a blistering cold night in Washington, D.C. in the lobby of the J W Marriott. I was attending the Victory Institute’s annual conference for policymakers and politicos, and a few days in we were desperate for a bite of food that wasn’t catered hotel ballroom fare.

Bryanna Jenkins, noted civil right attorney, was leading our charge to forage for late night dinner options that enliven the spirit on a frosty late night in DC, mere weeks before the Christmas festive season.

Today’s musing is an interview with C Michael, highlighting his beautiful advocacy for his constituents in Pennsylvania as a City Manager and appointed government official- with an impressive track record serving the House of Representatives and his work in public policy.

But it’s also an affirmation, as we watch, frozen, The Trump administration’s declarative move to shutter much of the CDC and National Institute of Health’s acknowledgement of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. The past 40 years of literature and dedicated research have been erased and deplatformed from the archives- the modern era of book burning.

We know that millions will die and be adversely impacted by this move for years to come, across the world. We know that even all these years since the first series of HIV/AIDS diagnosis weee discovered, that a great deal of stigma is pervasive, even in scientific and progressive spaces.

Telling our stories is crucial- to normalize our lived experiences, and to capture the fullness of life we all strive to live- even when we have to muster resilience over and over again to get there.

Thank you C Michael for lending your voice, being vulnerable and allowing me to help tell your story for a small corner of the internet. I love you, and can’t wait to see all the new milestones and victories for our folks that you are leading, still to come.

“How I Start My Day”

Aria: I always love to ask, How do you start your day?

C. Michael: I always start my day with a call to someone I love.

It might be my best friend, a cousin, or a member of my chosen family — but before the emails, the noise, the responsibilities, I make space for a real human moment.

Sometimes it’s just a quick “Good morning, you good?”

Other times it turns into a full conversation before the sun is fully up.

It keeps me connected.

Reminds me I’m not out here doing life alone.

And no matter what the rest of the day throws at me, I’ve already started it in love.

Entering Public Service As A Public Servant

C. Michael Robinson is an Appointed Public Official and Government Affairs Consultant based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. You can subscribe to his platforms to stay in the loop here and here.

Aria: C Michael- You have made significant strides in the political arena with your work as the City Manager for Collingdale, Pennsylvania and your previous work with the Pennsylvania House of Representatives and Philadelphia City Council.

What inspired you to work in local government?

C. Michael: Public service wasn’t my first stop, but it’s where I’ve found the deepest alignment.

After high school, I was set on a career in luxury goods — I studied Fashion Business Management at LIM College, interned at Gucci, and held roles within fashion houses such as Birger Christensen, Giuseppe Zanotti, and Estée Lauder.

But even as I climbed those ranks, I was navigating deep instability.

I was working while also navigating being homeless, cycling through couches and short-term stays, priced out of housing, and eventually forced to leave school with $40,000 in debt and no degree to show for it.

That period — my early 20s — activated what I now call my bureaucratic brilliance - the instinct to decode, disrupt, and redirect systems of power.

I was lucky in that I had a middle-class foundation, so I knew how to find loopholes and leverage federal benefits when I needed them.

Eventually, people in my community — folks going through similar things — started coming to me for help. I shared what I knew.

I advocated. I built workarounds. I’ve been doing that ever since.

That’s how it started: not with ambition, but with necessity — mine, and everyone else’s.

Eventually, I formalized that instinct. I enrolled in a psychology program at CUNY, began mentoring youth, and ran an adult literacy program that layered in civic education. I didn’t just want people to know how to read a ballot, but how power flows - and how to move within it.

My grandmother was a public school teacher and union leader in Philadelphia, always pushing civic engagement.

My father helped diversify the LA County Sheriff's Department after the Rodney King uprising and just retired after 35 years in city and county service. My maternal grandfather was a trailblazing police chief in LA County Parks. My aunt has served two different California cities as a local legislator — I’ve studied her career closely since I was a adolescent. And my cousin is now the sole at-large Councilmember in Oakland.

So while I didn’t inherit a political dynasty, I did inherit a deep respect for community leadership — and the stubborn belief that systems should work for people, not against them.

Local government is where all of that converges for me: lived experience, policy instinct, and a personal mission to make bureaucracy more humane.

It’s not glamorous work, but it’s honest work.

And in this moment, I think that matters most.

Journey To Self Discovery

Aria: You’ve shared your journey to self discovery, having navigated being homeless in New York, and navigating adversity.

What lessons would you share for folks who may be navigating a challenging time in life and who see you as a beacon of possibility?

C. Michael: I never set out to be anyone’s “possibility model.”

At first, I was just trying to take up space in a system that rarely makes room for openly Queer people — especially those of us who are Black, poor, or unfiltered.

I think I had a bit of a Robin Hood complex, honestly.

But over time, the fruit of that work started to show.

I started getting messages from former students in my opportunity youth programs — many of them are now college graduates working in public service and the humanities. My adult literacy students are able to navigate life with more confidence, caring for their families in ways they once thought impossible.

Some of the folks I came up with — people who were written off as pariahs — are now thriving, grounded, and leading lives on their own terms.

I’ve lost too many friends to the cracks in the system.

And I worry deeply about the next generation of young people, coming of age in a world that feels increasingly hostile.

So if my story, my survival, or my service can reflect even a glimmer of what’s possible? That’s not a burden - its a responsibility I carry with gratitude.

Being “Out” + Overcoming HIV Stigma

Aria: Something that doesn’t get highlighted enough is how you are one of few- openly HIV positive political leaders in the US.

In a time when the current administration is attacking queer and trans folks- and the CDC is destroying decades worth of dedicated research and funding on addressing the HIV epidemic.

How can we as a broader community, help to eliminate bias and stigma? How has sharing your journey empowered you?

C. Michael: Honestly, I never intended to “come out” about my HIV status.

I’ve always believed it was nobody’s business but mine and my partners’. And like many people living with HIV, stigma played a big role in that silence.

People say cruel, ignorant things when they think you’re negative — and even worse when they know you’re not.

I shared my status publicly several months before my appointment as Borough Manager, during a social media campaign for #HIVAwarenessMonth.

I realized I wasn’t early to this movement — I was late to the party. And I was inspired by them to stop hiding.

Still, when word got out, I had colleagues — even so-called progressive ones — refer to it as “career suicide.”

I disagree. Strongly.

There is privilege in my presence.

Every day I show up in public service, I get to confront someone’s outdated ideas about what it means to live with HIV.

Now, to be clear — I’m not the first public official in Pennsylvania living with HIV.

But I may be the first to brave the scrutiny of saying it out loud, in office, in real time.

That distinction matters.

Silence often masquerades as safety in politics.

I chose something riskier: visibility.

We are on the edge of eradicating this virus — and at the same time, we’re watching an anti-science, anti-truth administration unravel three decades of progress.

That means more barriers to PrEP, to PEP, to early detection and care — especially for Black and Brown youth, trans folks, and low-income communities.

So now, more than ever, visibility matters.

My being here — in this seat, with this story — isn’t about ego or empowerment.

It’s about making sure that the young person who’s diagnosed just moments after this interview goes live knows they’re not alone. That they can still lead. Still love. Still live.

And that they deserve to see themselves — from Congress to council chambers.

Grandma’s Life Lessons

Aria: What is the best advice you’ve received?

C. Michael: “Can’t is NOT a word.”

That’s what my grandmother — a lifelong elementary school teacher — drilled into me from an early age. When my parents returned to work, I spent my formative years under her care while she was recovering from a spinal cord injury.

And even in recovery, she was still teaching — me, mostly.

When I was about three or four, she designed an entire lesson around why “can’t” is a grammatically incorrect expression — and therefore, not a word to be used, even situationally.

It became gospel in our household.

That lesson stuck. She taught me that the limits we place on ourselves often start with the language we use. And so, I learned to speak — and live — in possibility.

I carry that same lesson into every room I enter.

I’ve passed it down to my students, my godchildren, and anyone I’ve had the privilege to mentor.

Item I Can’t Live Without

Aria: What is an object you have that you’d never part with and why?

C. Michael: I never leave the house without one of my grandfather,Elmo Brown’s gold rings.

Elmo was a bit of an enigma to me — we didn’t know each other well.

But he was born into a sharecropping family in Wharton, Texas, and made his way west during the Second Great Migration, eventually landing in Oakland.

In many Black families, gold is more than ornament — it’s inheritance, insurance, identity.

It’s something you pass down when banks won’t, when the system doesn’t.

More To Read:

*This essay, written by Aria Sa’id, was originally published for The Curvy Fashionista. The Curvy Fashionista is a beautiful platform dedicated to empowerment, body acceptance and plus size fashion. Aria Sa’id is a contributing writer for The Curvy Fashionista.

In honor of Black History Month, I want us to go back to the peak glory days for innovative designers. One of those innovative designers was Patrick Kelly.

The majority of fashion houses in luxury fashion are owned by 3-4 conglomerate parent companies that dictate what constitutes “luxury” in fashion, to the benefit of their shareholders and the families that own these parent companies.

It’s why we keep seeing musical chairs of creative directors, and sometimes (not always, but alas) a focus on scalability and profit of luxury brands and many people have questioned if luxury fashion has seen more of an erosion of quality control.

With the growing allegations against luxury houses like Dior producing $2,000 handbags for $57 in deplorable and exploitive labor conditions– to consumers decrying Chanel’s constant price hikes without major shifts in the production of their signature leather goods offerings; It’s an interesting time to be a Creative Director for a luxury fashion house.

Pair those dynamics of the marketplace with another unfortunate reality: we don’t see enough Black designers at the helm of the heritage and luxury designer houses, though Black culture has shown time and time again that we contribute greatly to the luxury space and to fashion culture overall.

I’ve been reflecting on the designs and the cultural impact of Patrick Kelly– a Black American designer hailing from Vicksburg, Mississippi who rose to fame in Parîs, France as the “designer to watch“. Known for pioneering size inclusivity in couture, designing for both straight size and plus size- Kelly had a through line in his designs that told the stories of Black matriarchs as pillars of strength in Black culture.

I had the beautiful opportunity a few years ago to visit an exhibition highlighting his career at the San Francisco De Young Museum. There, the curators displayed many of Kelly’s celebrated runway pieces from Haute Couture to Ready to Wear. But I was truly humbled by the collection of Black memorabilia- dolls and trinkets from the time of Jim Crow- sambo dolls and caricatures of Black people.

Many of these items were constant motifs in his work as a designer and an artist.

He drew from these inspirations constantly, and becoming the first African American designer to gain acceptance in the “the Chambre Syndicale Du Prêt A Porter Des Couturiers”, the authority for French Ready To Wear fashion as art form.

This trajectory in luxury fashion allowed him to showcase these Black Americana infused designs to the world. He championed the celebration of the woman’s bodies- specifically Black women’s bodies, featuring a pregnant model in one of his shows, and collaborating with noted supermodels Pat Cleveland and Iman. Patrick Kelly designed couture for celebrity clients like Grace Jones and Madonna and Cicely Tyson and until his death in 1990 due to the AIDS epidemic had been the designer to watch, and his influence in fashion and pop culture to this day has been immeasurable.

The Legacy of Couture Designer Patrick Kelly’s Contribution to Size Inclusive Luxury Fashion & JIBRI’s Kelly Button Dress

Jasmine Elder and JIBRI’s commitment to craft, and the celebration of women’s bodies is synonymous with the ethos and the cultural impact of Patrick Kelly.

In celebration of Black History Month, JIBRI has re-released the “Kelly Button Dress” as an homage to impact and cultural significance of Patrick Kelly on both Jasmine Elder’s journey as a designer, his immeasurable contribution to Black culture, and his broader impact on celebrating all women, and the celebration of our bodies in all sizes.

It’s a special opportunity to own a piece of culture through a garment. It’s a rare instance where a dress can emote and communicate so much about history, triumph, culture and revolution.

The Kelly Button Dress is an homage to the works of one of our generation’s most brilliant designer who wasn’t given his full due for his influence and contributions to fashion before his untimely death. But it’s also a celebration of a designer who helped revolutionize the body positivity movement and usher in an era of opulence in luxury apparel for plus sizes and the broader plus size movement. A designer who is still trailblazing, and still designing those pieces for our memorable moments.

The Kelly Dress reminds us that we have to celebrate our heroes, and help sustain their brands. Not just for the benefit of ourselves, but for others too. Designers are only able to keep designing if we buy and wear their clothes. Restaurants only stay open if we come in and eat with them. Independent Bookstores and bars and candle shops only exist if we shop directly with them.

JIBRI’s Influence on Luxury Fashion for Plus Sizes

I began to reflect on the impact of designers in our present era, who helped to usher in a voice for Plus Size women in the realms of luxury fashion. We have to remember that the era of Body Positivity, whilst it has always been a huge part of the cultural fabric of Black culture and Black women, is relatively newer in the broader pop culture.

Normalizing curvy bodies, plus size bodies, fat bodies. Honoring our experiences. And dressing us for the special moments of our lives- be it our weddings or birthdays or family reunions or the company holiday party or our baby showers. There have been designers and brands who have catered to plus size women since their founding. But there hasn’t always been a luxury market appeal for us as plus size women.

Jasmine Elder, the founder and Creative Director of JIBRI launched her brand as an emerging designer in the 2010’s, fashioning “made to order” garments in plus sizes in luxurious silks and chiffons and jerseys with her signature silhouettes that drape all sorts of curvy bodies, beautifully.

When the brand arrived, we hadn’t quite seen such a sharp focus on silhouette, dramatic proportions or bold, vibrant colors in silks and velvets. Much of the discourse that existed for plus sizes was to wear all black because it was “slimming,” wear oversized tent style pieces because they make you look smaller. Place your handbag on your lap when you take a photo to hide the outline of our bellies.

What would it look like to see plus size women in luxury fabrics, in intentional and figure flattering designs and silhouettes?

That was and is the beauty of the imagination that birthed the JIBRI label.

To date, JIBRI has continued to dress plus size celebrities around the world for the moments that feel special, when other designers refused to dress them or accommodate them. What did you wear to the Grammys to accept your award back then? Without designers brands like JIBRI, women were relegated to what they could find that could work.

As a pioneer and a trailblazer in the body positivity movement and in luxury fashion, JIBRI also helped normalize and shift the idea of investing in our wardrobes. Even if we weren’t satisfied with our weight or our bodies in their current state, we still have to live our lives to and have events and special occasions to dress for.

We still wanted to celebrate those special moments and feel beautiful living those moments, too. Up until that time, we subconsciously avoided investing financially in our clothes, with the expectation that it wouldn’t be worth the trouble if we just mustered the “willpower” to follow a diet, or go to the gym for 20 million hours a week.

I say this to say, that it’s because of the emergence of brands like JIBRI that we have so much more access and options in the luxury apparel market for plus sizes.

Today, JIBRI is still standing, at a time where so many small, independent brands are shuttering due to the advent of Amazon Fashion, Shein and Temu, and rising costs of fabric sourcing, supply chain shortages and a push for exporting production to other countries to meet the inflating costs of labor.

Perhaps an unintended attribute to the brand is the luxury of its production. Jasmine and her team still source small batches of fabrics- cashmeres, silks, velvet and more.

JIBRI’s production model is slow fashion focused, with the tailors and needle workers all based in Atlanta, Georgia and producing the garments in-house.

The design team designs their prints the traditional way, as in the designs are not made by AI but rather, made by hand.

The designer and her design team designs their prints the small details as well- sourcing and designing their zippers for the garments and the jewelry that the line carries- working with small scale artisans around the world to create pieces that last a lifetime.

*originally posted as a paid partnership with Intrepid Travel in 2022/2023

As a child, I was fascinated by the culture of ancient Egypt – papyrus scrolls, King Tut and the tombs pharaohs were buried in for everlasting life. Flicking through the pages of the National Geographic Egypt book my mother gave me inspired my curiosity about what seemed like another world.  

Recently, my ultimate bucket list trip became a reality. Visiting Egypt – my first trip to the African continent – reignited my childlike wonder for the first time in decades. It still feels surreal to say that I have finally experienced the Motherland. 

Facing my fears 

When Intrepid invited me and some of my transgender and body positivity advocate peers to join a tour of our choosing, the pressure was on. It felt like a once in a lifetime proposal, and while I explored all the options – Antarctica, Southeast Asia, Vietnam, places I’ve dreamed of going for years – Egypt kept resurfacing in my mind.  

As a visible transgender human rights advocate, I’m used to travelling to places where political and social attitudes towards transgender and queer people differ. But in this instance, the thought of travelling for leisure, rather than advocacy work, as a Black trans woman, to a country with numerous anti-LGBTQ+ laws and attitudes, presented a quiet fear that I couldn’t shake. 

It is illegal to be transgender or homosexual in Egypt and the country has been shunned by human rights advocacy groups around the world for its aggressive transphobic and homophobic law enforcement.  

And yet, I stubbornly thought to myself – if not now, then when?  

Eye-opening adventures 

In late 2022 I landed in Cairo ready for an ‘Indiana Jones’ style Premium Egypt adventure. I knew that Intrepid prides itself on its group travel experiences that take in all the highlights while also encouraging you to get to know the local people and culture on a deeper level – and I found that it lives up to that aim in so many ways. 

I’d never done group travel before and didn’t quite know what to expect. But I soon realised I was surrounded by like-minded travellers from around the world who shared many of the same aspirations for their first tour of Egypt as I did.  

Our first adventure? Seeing the Great Pyramids at sunrise. From there we adventured by camel, ate kushari (a tasty mixture of pasta, rice, lentils and fried onions) with locals at a street food restaurant, toured museums filled with ancient artifacts and had cocktails by the pool at our hotel, learning more about each other and our parts of the world.

We went on to visit the spice markets in Aswan, tour the Nile by riverboat, ride a felucca to the Nubian villages and hot air balloon over the Valley of Kings together (I’d encourage everyone to take part in the latter – even if you’re afraid of heights like me!).  

A special moment that stays with me is seeing the hieroglyphs and representations of Hatshepsut, a visibly gender nonconforming pharaoh. Seeing yourself represented in history – especially as both a Black person and a trans woman – is phenomenal.

Tips for visiting Egypt as a plus-size LGBTQ+ traveller 

As an LGBTQ+ traveller, your personal safety is always on your mind – that’s the reality. Bold as I may be, I have to balance being visibly transgender while also being respectful of the land I am visiting, its people and its customs.  

Here are some steps you can take to ensure you have an excellent experience.  

Travel with a group 

If you’re LGBTQ+ and decide to visit Egypt, travelling on an organised group tour can help reduce any anxieties you may have. I spoke to Intrepid staff in advance and they took my safety concerns into careful consideration, working behind the scenes with airline, transportation and hotel staff to ensure I had the best adventure possible. 

To be honest, I was expecting a white, cis, male, British leader but was pleasantly surprised to learn that Intrepid hires local people wherever possible. I felt extra comfortable travelling with leader Eman, a local Egyptologist and feminist Muslim woman who is blazing a trail in a male-dominated industry. 

Be aware of local laws and customs 

It’s important to consider local laws and customs. For example, in places like Aswan and Luxor, women don’t smoke in public. Men don’t share hotel rooms, and women dress modestly even in the high desert heat. Yes, rules and attitudes are more flexible for tourists, but I also think following local customs and values wherever possible is a sign of respect.  

My sisters Diamond and Breonna struggled with the modest dress codes, but they adapted and in general people appreciated that we were trying. I think this is why, whether they knew it or not, people engaged the three of us – all Black, American, transgender women – in conversation, which I think can only help to shift perceptions of trans people overall, just by virtue of us making a little effort. 

Go at your own pace 

As a plus-size traveller, touring ancient temples and sites in the heat can be physically gruelling. There were folks in my group who do CrossFit and marathons and even they were wiped by the end of each day. You’ll be doing lots of walking, scrambling over rocks and squeezing into tight spaces – so gauge what you can do and modify accordingly. 

For me, sometimes that meant staying behind as the group crawled on all fours to get into a tiny tomb. One day, I skipped a temple visit to stay in my room and rest. You are the guardian of your care, and I am proud I pushed myself to keep up with the group as much as I could, climbing in and out of feluccas and hiking hills to the villages. I took care of myself whenever I felt I had reached my limit and communicated with my guide when and where I would need to modify.  

At the end of the day, everyone wants what you want: a good time and a memorable adventure.

Also, Egypt is not a place for cute shoes (trust me, I ruined a pair of designer sandals). Sacrifice your need to match your outfit with your footwear in favour of tennis shoes with support – you won’t regret it.

Aria travelled as a guest of Intrepid on our 9-day Premium Egypt trip.

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